And from the ashes the Phoenix shall rise.....

Should I write or not

2007-08-02T22:44:00.000-04:00

Someone told me I should start blogging again. I don't know if I should. do I want to commit to the time necessary to do it or do I want to just chill and work on other things. Maybe I can do both......

Please tell me it's Friday

2006-10-20T17:31:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been so happy that it's Friday you don't know what to do with yourself. Well that is how I'm feeling right about now. School has only been in session for about 7 weeks, but it seems like it's been 6 months. My student's parents are driving me crazy. The kids, well you know - kids will be kids. We've had 2 assemblies this week and that is exhausting. Last night my department - the Guidance department had a informational session at night. For the parents to say that they need more information - it was poorly attended. But of course the parent who called me incompetent (refer to my previous post - another work week...) was there trying her best to start shit. No happs! I'm so drained. I wish I could take a day off, but I have so many things going on right now it's not a good time.

I have teachers pulling at me to get some kids in support classes. I have parents demanding that their child be tested for special education because he is "falling" fast. I have the principal who at any minute could add me to her "shit list" cause she is moody like that. All of this for what? I wish I knew. I was asked by someone the other day what would demotivate me in regards to work? My answer today is - dealing with everyone else's bullshit. Parents need to parent and stop making excuses for their lazy ass, cheating, manipulative, immature, entitled behaving child. Teachers need to teach regardless of the ability levels of the students - they all learn to teach to all types of learners, not just the smart kids. The principal needs to realize that she can't be everyone's best friend and stop holding a grudge against those that don't always agree with her - keep it professional. The maybe, just maybe my job will be a bit more manageable.

Gosh this week and last I wish I could drink on the job. Please excuse me with my ranting but I need to let off a little steam.

If anyone has any suggestions for letting off work related stress please share them.

SEARCHING

2006-10-08T09:58:00.000-04:00

4 truth
4 answers
4 love
4 music
4 acceptance
4 wisdom
4 friendship
4 understanding
4 forgiveness
4 purpose
4 happiness
4 reason
4 sanity
4 freedom
4 trust
4 loyalty
4 honesty
4 spirituality
4 laughter
4 creativity
4 genuineness
4 words
4 companionship
4 you
4 me
4 all
searching

Skool Daiz

2006-10-04T18:28:00.000-04:00

Ever since I wrote about my experience last week at work, it got me thinking about when I worked in the Bronx at a middle school. All I have to say it is COMPLETELY different from where I work now. I'd like to share a poem I wrote while I was working at the school in the "ghetto" back in 2003.

School Days

School Days filled with torment and fear
Always some kind of drama going on with student peers

Students out of control running the place
Cussing and cursing up in someone’s face

Graffiti written on stairway walls
School aides chasing people down the hall

Boom- smash –crash lights being broken
It’s seldom that you hear positive words being spoken

I try to do my job it’s a never ending battle
Students get arrested and are driven off like cattle

What can I do – how can I make a difference
When the system is failing and it don’t make any sense

You have non-qualified teachers sent to inspire
When in fact they should be fired

When can we get back to reading, writing and arithmetic?
When you have boys in the stairs saying suck my dick

There are smile in your face back stabbing staff members
Giving lame ass holiday parties in the month of December

When I compare this institution – I think of a zoo
There are days I barely make it through

I have to admit there are a few moments of hope
But they quickly vanish when I smell some students smoking dope

If these here students are our hope for the future
Call an ambulance cause I’m gonna need some sutures

I give credit when credit is due
To those committed educators which there are very few

I feel sorry for those students who want to learn
A better future for themselves is what they yearn

If you ask me are they getting the necessary tools
Please – don’t be a fool

You tell me – out of 213 kids, 97 fail
Parents better start saving – not for college but for bail

It’s a shame when I feel my Masters degree had gone to waste
A new career I must get and I must make haste.

Money money money is always a school board issue
Mess with my pay and somebody is gonna have dead brain tissue

What happen to the school system being the last safe institution?
Have the bureaucrats forgotten the words of the constitution

Our children will never really have the American dream and be free
When you have white shirts endorsing academic slavery

I pray to God each and everyday
That I have the emotional, mental and physical strength to stay

But the light is dimming the flame is flickering
I’m just damn tired of all the faculty bickering

So as I plan my final days as an educator, my big ado
I hope I’ve at least helped a life or two

God willing – when it’s my turn
I’ll have a child who loves to learn

I could go on and on I know I can
But I’m going to bring this poem to its end

But before I go – I would like to say
Pray for our schools everyday.

Truth or Dare

2006-10-04T06:55:00.000-04:00

I was reading Organized Noise's blog last night and it was about his most memorable truth or dare (thanks to Trizzy and Xavier). At the end he invite everyone to play the game. I thought it would be fun and it brought back memories of playing it as a teen.

So I picked truth - ON asked me what was my most memorable truth/dare/spin the bottle experience. Well her it goes...

I was sixth grade and I I liked this boy that played on the Pop Warner football team I cheered for. Most girls liked him. He was that cute. Funny thing though he and I re born 4 days apart and our mother's shared the same hospital room for a day or two. Anyway back to the story. We were up at Renee and Ronnie's house (they were twins) Renee was my friend and Ronnie was my crushes friend. There was this other girl form our building up there as well. They knew we liked each other so they dared us to kiss. I'm no punk so I agreed. I had never kissed a boy before and was scared to death. My crush - HoHo as he was called back them was with it. He was far more experienced than I. It was not a problem for him.

So the others leave the living room and HoHo and I sit down on the couch. I must have been sweating and my heart beating fast cause just thinking about it - is making me feel the same way all over again. Anyway HoHo leans in and places his lips on mine. I pucker up and kiss back. I don't know how long the kiss was but it seemed like forever. I think I blacked out. I say this because the next thing I know the other three were standing there laughing. I was so embarrassed. I get up and walk in the back. I'm upset cause nobody told me that HoHo was gonna put his tongue in my mouth. I was grossed out. Whew thank goodness I got over that. I can't remember if HoHo and I ever kissed again after that. But because of a dare I had my first kiss.

so if you would like to play, in my comment area tell me if you would like truth or dare and I will post back a question or a dare for you to do. Don't worry if you pick a dare it will be something that will be easy.

PEACE

Another Work Week in the Life of Phoenix

2006-09-27T17:59:00.000-04:00

I wake up this morning; get myself ready to go to work. I'm not excited but neither am I depressed about it. For the most part I really like my job. I can't say that I love it, but it sure beats working at plenty of other places (summers off). Actually I do love being a guidance counselor but I haven't found the right school. What I mean by that is that I haven't found a school that's a perfect fit with me. Yes I know that anyplace anyone works will have challenges, but it's those challenges have to be worth it.

The district in which I work is predominately white and affluent. With that being said, the type of students I deal with have attitudes of entitlement and don't give a shit about the people who work in the school. Example of this is that the high school and the middle school are attached, so I see plenty of my former students who are now in the high school. I can walk right by some of them and they will look at me as if they never seen me before - that is if they look at me at all. I don't blame them, I blame the parents because most of them treat the faculty and staff as if we are their personal servants. And being that I'm black makes it even easier for them to treat me like a servant.

I actually had a parent ask me where I went to college and how long have I been a counselor. If she were as smart as she thought she was, all she had to do was turn her head to the right and she would see my undergraduate and graduate diplomas right on the wall. If I weren't qualified for the job - trust - I wouldn't have been hired. I had to qualify for the job and someone had to interview me check my credentials. This type of ignorance is what bugs me about this district. I always have to CMA (cover my ass) and be one step ahead of the game at all times. I can't sleep on anything that comes my way because the first time I let something slip will be the "death" of me here. Granted I have tenure and they can't fire me but the parents sure know how to put pressure on the faculty they don't like.

But back to today and the reason for this blog. I'm sitting in my office putting on my sneakers. The school was about to have a practice emergency evacuation walk. When my phone rings. "Hello, Hello this is Phoenix. Hello. Hello. I can't hear you. Hello." There was very loud background noise and a lot of static. I couldn't hear the caller and I wasn't sure that the caller could hear me. The phone rings again. I answer, "hello, this is Phoenix. Hello. I can't hear you . Can you call back when you get into a clear zone. Hello who are you calling for?" Caller - "I'm calling about my son." Me - "Hello. I can't hear you." The call drops.

So I go into the waiting area of the guidance suite chatting with the rest of the department and the secretary's phone rings, but I can hear my line ringing in the back. I look at her display on the phone and see that it was for me. I answer, "Hello, this is Phoenix." Caller - "you should quit your job because you are horrible at what you do!" the call ends. Now my mouth is wide open because I just about to let the "ghetto" in me loose but just in time the secretary asks me what happens. I need to thank her cause I almost lost it. Everyone was looking at me and wondering what happened. Then I told them what the caller said. They couldn't believe it. The voice on the other end sounded like and adult female. THANK Goodness for caller ID. The secretary dials the number back and the recorded voice of the owner comes on "Gerry." Hold up - I had a student named Gerry last year. I'm thinking to myself "nah this kids better not be playing around cause they don't want me to really catch them." Dana the other counselor suggest that I tell the principal what happened when we get back from the drill. We all leave the office talking about how silly the person is.

When we get back from the drill I go into my office with the secretary to try again to get someone on the phone from the first call where I couldn't hear the person. I'm thinking it the same person or a group of kids. No one answers the phone at first but I try a few more times. Finally someone click the phone on but no one says anything into the phone. We could hear voices but couldn't tell who they were by anything that we could make out. I went and filled in the principal. She says she will inform the Title IX officer for the district. I'm cool with it. I have a gut feeling that it was just some of my former students acting REALLY dumb ( but remember in the district where I work - all the kids are rocket scientist - NOT).

So that was just some of the action for me today. Just another day in the life of a middle school guidance counselor.

But the saga continues........

The next day I have a meeting with the parents of one of my students with a 504 plan. A 504 plan is something anyone in the United States can have - at their school or workplace. It comes out of the the Americans with Disabilities Act. What it does is put into place things that a person may need to help them succeed. For example a person with severe asthma may need a 504 plan that allows him or her to have an air conditioner that filters out pollutants. Or a kid who has ADHD may have a plan that allows for him or her to get more help in the classroom. Well my student has ADHD and her parents wanted to know how the school deals with this and what is being done to help her. I go through the motions of explaining how it works and stuff. The mom gets all weepy and the dad is all defensive at first. The meeting goes for about an hour (I ususally only meet for about 30 minutes with parents). Don't you know at the end of the meet as I am saying my thank you and good byes, the father asks me, "how long have you been doing this?" For a split second I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought that the "rumor mill" of the town had gotten out and informed everyone that - yes there is a black guidance counselor in the middle school and she is here to stay (tenure). I had to keep my composure and answer this effin rude man. If he would have looked to his right he would have seen my diplomas right on my wall and would of had a good idea how long I have been doing this job. Well needless to say I remained professional, cause if I would have sounded in anyway annoyed or angry, I'm positive that a phone call would have been made to my principal. That's how they do in that district. Anyway, I said to the father in my most pleasant voice, "oh this is my fourth year in this district and my tenth year as a counselor. I love working with kids and I'll be your daughter's counselor for the next three years while she is in middle school." He didn't say anything after that. I wonder why?

My day continues on. I'm thinking okay the rest of the day will go smoothly. Right? Wrong. About an hour after the kooky parents leave my autistic student walks into my office. (If you don't anything about autisticc people they are so interesting.) He is clearly upset and melting down about something. As soon as he starts to tell me, the tears and the sobbing comes. He closes my office door because he doesn't want anyone to hear him. Wrong- the entire guidance suite can hear him even with my door closed. He is sobbing uncontrolably at one point. I'm trying to do my best to calm him down and stop crying long enough for him to tell me what is wrong. All I get is that he is upset with his math teacher and something happened in math class. I keep telling him to breath because he was hyperventilating and to start from the beginning. His speech is very hard to understand when he is calm so to understand him when he is upset is even harder. I keep asking him to tell me the story over because each time I get a little more information. He gets mad at me and yells," I said it in plain english - why don't you understand? What Are You TWO!"

I really wanted to laugh because it was funny but I didn't. I kept my compsure (barely). By this time one of the other guidance counselors has peaked into the office and his mathn teacher is standing outside my door. I ask his teacher to come in and try to explain to the student why things happened in the class. All I know is that the teacher tried to explain to the boy and he broke on her and called her stupid. Next thing I know her eyes well up with water and she turns and quickly leaves my office. Now I'm thinking, "okay isn't she the adult and doesnt' she realize that this is a kid with special needs and we are going to be tested just by the nature of his disability? She is trippin." So the student yells at me that he want's to call his mother and how come I won't let him. I tell him, " I will let you call your mother when you stop yelling at me. I know you are upset but I am not yelling at you and I don't appreciate you yelling at me. (this kid appreciates it when you speak to him intellectually) So when you stop you can call her." He stopped. He calls his mom, who is a school board member. They speak for a bit. I can hear his mom saying to him that it was his fault that he didn't have some worksheet and not the teachers. Which was true. I was surprised that she said this. Most moms in this district side with their child. She tells him she is on her way to the school.

The mother comes and things get worked out. My autistic student apolgizes to me gives me a hug and a handshake. All is well......for now.

And Tomorrow morning I'm gonna do it again........

LOVE ME FOR ME

2006-09-26T20:58:00.000-04:00

This poem is dedicated to all the men who have matured and realize that the "perfect woman" is just an illusion and to all the women who have had to compete with this idea.

Why can’t you just love me for me
I’m never gonna be the size of a super model can’t you see

I’ll never look like Halle, Vivica, or even Beyonce
But I know I sure look good enough to be your fiancée

A rocket scientist I’ll never be
Not even a doctor, lawyer or an actress on TV

But each and every day I work hard on my grind
Pay all my bills and self sufficient, not many like me you’ll find

Some would agree that I’m a rare catch
My own place, no kids and intelligence to match

When you see an attractive woman, you stop and stare
Her posterior to mine you may compare

I’m not your mother or have you forgot
To pick up behind you I will not

So what I choose to eat take-out although I can burn
Why can’t we share the cooking duties and take turns

Don’t be disillusioned by this little belly and these soft curves
A bigger purpose they may one day serve

The perfect woman I was not designed to be
So please just love me for me

Visions

2006-09-15T22:29:00.000-04:00

Because I know he is out there...

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
Eyes open – eyes closed
Doesn’t matter
Blind as a bat
I know you, smell you, feel y you
Your deep-set eyes
Porcelain smile, African physique

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
Where are you?
You are here with me
In my every waking moment
In my every nights slumber
By my side
Always

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
I hear your voice
It’s like a slow jam romancing me
I feel your touch
Making love to me
Sweet slow sensual

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
Hot is your breath on my lips
With a finesse all your own
You penetrate me
My secret released with sighs of pleasure
You are happy too

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
It is your strength and charisma that turned me own
No way will I ever love another
Loyal
Faithful
True to you
My chocolate dipped man

For Royce's Daughter

2006-09-06T20:10:00.000-04:00

From the Beginning

Although it didn’t always seem like it, I loved you from the beginning. Remember when we were kids, you use to pull my braids and tease me and I’d cry. Then you would start to cry when I ran out ran you. It seemed I hated you but I loved you.

Then we grew a bit older. The other boys called you a sissy because you played with me. I hated them for teasing you. Then you began to play with them, leaving me to watch from the top porch step. I hated you for that you were my best friend.

Before you knew it, we were teens. You stopped being just the boy next door, but the cute boy next door. I loved you even though you voice was cracking. It sounded perfect to me. I thought you felt the same way, but it seemed that Yolanda from math class won your affections.

Yeah – high school I dated a few guys and you never once appeared to be jealous. We even went on a double date. When I tried my best to flirt with you, you laughed at me. I hated you because my love for you seemed undying.

Finally I thought I could get over you when we went to college. You got a football scholarship to UNC and I went to Howard. The distance wasn’t enough. Memories and old pictures kept you ever so close. I wished for the opportunity to tell you I loved you so many times.

The chance I waited for finally cane one summer break. You came over to talk about college. I was prepared to interrupt you. When I tried, you told me it was rude to interrupt someone. Especially when they are trying to tell the other person they’ve always loved them. Remember you then kissed me and walked out the house. I tried to call you back but I could hardly breath. I thought I’d tell you later how I felt, but later never came. You were murdered that evening in a cross fire between some kids as you came out of the store. So if you are listening and I know you are – I always loved you from the beginning.

Stolen MEME

2006-08-31T22:58:00.000-04:00

Yes I got this from Organized Noise.

1. How tall are you barefoot? 5 feet, 3 inches tall, but that doesn't matter lying down

2. Have you ever flown first-class? Yes once when I was a girl. My aunt was the flight attendant on the plane and got me and my mom moved up to first class. I also go a chance to fly like real rich people - I went from Cleveland to Philly on Gordon Gund's G-4. All I have to say about that is OH MY Goodness - Sweet!

3. One of your favorite books when you were a child?The Mixed Up Files Of Mrs Basil E. Frankwilder.

4. A good restaurant in your city?Depends on the cuisine: Italian - Carmine's, Tony DiNapoli's and Pastina's in Hartsdale, Caribbean - Negril or Maroon's, Asian - Ruby Foo's, BBQ - Virgil's, Seafood - City Crab or Ricky's in Yonkers, Cajun - The Bayou in Mt. Vernon, Soul - my mom's house, Tex Mex - Blue Moon in Bronxville, Desert - The Cheesecake Factory in White Plains

5. What is your favorite small appliance? Umm my vvviiibbrraattorrrrrrr

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? Umm I can only thnk of myself. Everyone should be able to laugh at themself and not take themself so seriously.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? The Christmas song - by Nat King Cole

8. What was the first music that you ever bought? That song "Nasty Girl" by Vanity 6. I still love that song.

9. Do you do push-ups? Yes - just started with my trainer and I did 45 the first time (three sets of 15)

10. What was one of your favorite games as a child? football, tag, and double dutch

11.What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Rice and beans, Mac & cheese, meatballs, lamb chops, cube steaks and rice

12. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?An actress. lawyer, a writer, fashion designer

13. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Chicken with veggies

14. What in your life are you most grateful for? My mother, she sacrificed so much for me and my sister. She is the best.

15. Have you ever met someone famous? Yes. Holly Robinson, Todd Bridges, Jeff Redd, Kevin Garnet, Andre Miller and all the Cleveland Cavaliers of 2002 season, Jim Paxson, Nelly, Q and Daron of 112, Ludacris, Charles Way (played for the NYGiants) , Blair Underwood, Malcom Jamal Warner, Mike Epps, Rashid Wallace, Shaq, LaBron James, Trick Daddy, Diana Williams (a newscaster in NYC), DMX, Jason Williams, DJ Red Alert, Talent, Field Mobb, Shawnna. and they all had the pleasure of meeting ME!

16. Date Of Birth? Jan. 8, 1969. I except birthday gifts at anytime of the year.

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: a) why am I still awake, b) wondering what am I going to do tomorrow, c) I'm glad I got my car fixed

18. Three people you're thinking about right now: a) Lightweight's mom - wishing her a fast recovery, b) my nephew, c) my friend who told me where to take my car to get it fixed

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: Water, sprite, cranberry juice, gatorade, diet coke

20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? MSNBC, Channel 7 News

21. Current hair? In need of washing so it's looking busted.

22. Current worry? That I'm going to have a challenging school year ( I work in a middle school)

23. Current hate?Umm I think if you read my last few posts my mind had been focused on New Orleans so I guess that would be my big "hate", the other hate is that the summer is ending and I have to go back to work.

24. Favorite place to be? Sitting on a tropical beach with a drink in my hand

25. Least favorite place to be? At work

26. Do you consider yourself well organized? Sometimess it depends on what I need to be organized for.

27. Do you believe in a afterlife? Yes I do, why not?

28. Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs? I have no idea, but I hope not in the same place I am now because I would have never thought I would be where I am now. My life is way different than what I thought it was going to be 10 years ago.

29. Do you burn or tan? Both.

30. Who was the last blogger you hung out with? all the bloggers that came up to the BBQ

31. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Optimistic

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?This evening, a glass of wine

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? ususally a gospel song that the choir I'm in is practicing.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? Freddie Krugger

35. What's in your pockets right now? nada

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Something that Lightweight said.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? It was of three cartoon Bears. One of them had a big afro and one was really short.

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Two sprained knees at the same time.

39. Favorite song? Too many to list.

40. How many TV's do you own? Three but only two are working

41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? My mom, my sister, my niece and nephew, my great niece, a few friends, my grandma.

42. Last person that made you blush? It's been a while, so I don't remember.

43. Best Compliment received? You are smart, beautiful and single, stay that way.

44. What song is in your head? "Let your shoulder lean" I woke up to one of my neighbors blasting that and haven't gotten out of my head since.

45. What is your favorite book? Whatever I'm reading at the moment and that happens to be" Dreams from My Father" by Barack Obama.

46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? Cheeseburger and fries

47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? I have no idea. Is there a song that says something like "I can't Believe this is really happening"? LOL

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Great is thy Holiness or Eye is on the Sparrow"

49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last nigh? Sleeping.

50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I would love to have a career where I feel fulfilled and was valued. I would like to travel more. I would love to find out what God's purpose for my life is and do what ever that may be!

WANTED

2006-08-29T17:04:00.000-04:00

In a conversation I was having with a friend of mine the other day the topic of what do we want in a mate came up. I thought it was a good topic So here is what my list would look like if it were a "Wanted" poster (in no particular order).

Wanted:
A man preferable African American

Brown/dark skinned (darker than me)
Between the ages of 35 and 41
Physically, mentally and spiritually healthy
Educated - college degree preferred, not required
Height over 5 feet 9 inches, but negotiable
Employed at a job he likes or owns his own business
Lives on his own without a roommate
Has his own car
Never been to jail
Likes to travel (has been places)
Likes all kinds of food (not just a chicken and potato guy)
Honest
Loyal
Not afraid to show his emotions to his woman
Keeps family first
Believes in God
Not opposed to going church
One child or less if he has never been married
Goes to the doctor at least once a year
Won't trip if his woman makes more money than he does
Like to surprise his woman with tokens of love (doesn't have to be always be a material object)
Respects his mother/sister/grandmother
Not afraid to hang out with woman or he with her
Communicates his needs
Listens to his woman's needs and tries to provide them
Not opposed to marriage
Believes in monogamy
Will share all household duties
Has same view on childrearing
Not a remote hog

He will have to be physically attractive to me (yes men, we women too are visual)

Now these are just some of the main points that I am looking for. I'm sure some guy would read this and wonder what I'm bringing to the table and my answer to him would be - ALOT! If interested please "apply within".

Okay I Can't Seem To Let This Go

2006-08-25T22:50:00.000-04:00

Just an observation - for the past few days TV and the internet and newspapers have been bombarding us with stories about the aftermath of Katrina. What unnerves me is that media should have been continuously covering this story all year long. Yeah yeah I know it's the 1 year anniversary, but damn the victims have been struggling everyday since it happened. With all the stories and reports, I still haven't heard about any "real" solutions. Ray Nagin and his yella azz keeps saying, "we will rebuild New Orleans." Who gives a fuck if they rebuild it or not. How about this - "we will provide mental health services, job training, medical care, and quality education for the citizens of New Orleans. We will help with housing."

I get angry when I see that the French Quarter is thriving but the ordinary citizen doesn't even have a grocery store to go to. WTF? I've been to N'Orleans twice in my life as a teen. It is a very poor city but with so much to offer. I think that the government and the army corps of engineers for years has ignored N'Orleans and hope that its problems would disappear or no one would bring it to national attention. Then BOOM - along comes Katrina. I know some 44 long (white male) was sitting someplace saying, "shit this is just what we don't need. If we look busy dealing with other things (Tsunami, Ben Laden, etc) maybe no one will notice." Yeah they (gov't) didn't notice, but how the fuck could we not notice? The government really thinks We The People are really stupid. It is really them who are really stupid.

How can we the "richest" country in the world be the dumbest country in the world? We need to stop fighting other countries battles and focus on our own. Let the Muslims and Israelis fight their shit out. That conflict has been going on since biblical days. Damn if you really get into it that conflict was a Muslim and Christian war - The Crusades. But anyway sorry to digress.

Bring our troops home and let them build housing, hospitals, schools, etc. in New Orleans since they seem to be so good at it over seas. Let the military send out special forces to negotiate peace treaties and cease fires between the gangs, since "there is some much violence now happening.

sidebar: for yall who don't know the military has special units that go into "villages" in Iraq to negotiate with the village leader for information, passage through, surrender of "bad guys", etc. And their negotiating tool - money. They pay the village money for this things. I know because someone I know is over there right now doing just that job.

Katrina and its aftermath will have effect on the next two if not more generations. Kids are messed up behind this real bad. I pray for all the kids that are having a difficult time behind all of this. I'm sure they are or will suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. The government can't just put a bandaide on this and think that everything is gonna be just fine. They have to do some real work - but we know that is not gonna happen cause we are a country of lazy fucks run by lazy fucks.

thanks for listening.

Well They Are Still Broken

2006-08-24T15:53:00.000-04:00

Did you watch Spike Lee's documentary on HBO on Monday and Tuesday? I did and it made me angry all over again. Not to say that I had gotten over being angry the first time. Just seeing the images were depressing. Then to hear what all the people were saying just made me hate our government even more. Bush - well he can go hide in a bush, and the rest of his crew (Condalezza included) can go to hell. How can they run from this and think it's okay. I know next election time I will ever so carefully choose who I am voting for because the Democrats ain't much better than the Republicans. At the end of the day they both shit on black folk. They use us then push us by the wayside. If Black people in this country don't stand up for ourselves and our people after this Katrina thing then we'll never get where we want to be. We may as well go back to pre-civil rights days.

I don't mean to talk politics but that Katrina mess wasn't about politics - it was about human life. I'm pissed off about it. How about you?? I'd like to know your feelings on it all.

thanks for checking in.

Peace,
Phoenix

Dreams Deferred

2006-08-20T20:54:00.000-04:00

Harlem (by Langston Hughes)

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore -
And then run?
Does it stink like a rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I was at the movies today watching my second movie ( If I pay to go to the movies I usually walk in and see a second one- movies are too damn expensive to only be seeing one these days.) I didn't plan out the time right to see the 2nd movie I really wanted to see, so I sat in on what I knew was going to be a wack movie - Step It Up or whatever the name of it is. Anyway as I was sitting there watching, I had plenty of time to think about a whole lot of stuff. One thing being sparked by the movie - do you have dreams and if so do you go for them?

Well me being the person that I am (or would like to think I am) started to really ponder this question in my mind. And this is what I came up with. Sadly I think we all start out with plenty of dreams, some attainable some not. For me, I know as a child I had so many dreams of what life would be like for me. Some of the dreams, of course, were your everyday lotto dreams like: if I had all the money in the world what would I do.... And some of the other dreams I had were in the category of what are you really gonna do with your life.

Some of my dreams were crushed by society, other people and just maturing. While others were dashed by me. I don't really need to give specifics as to what the dreams were, but the fact that I let them "dry up" like in the poem makes me sad now. Yeah I know some would say "never give up on your dreams." But fo-real, reality is a mutha and will slap you in the ass when you aren't looking. Also life starts to come into play - responsibilities: bills, rent, eating, how are you gonna pay your bills, etc. So you get a job to pay the bills and put food on the table and a roof over your head and before you know it you look up and it's too late to change careers now cause you make a "little" bit of money and if you leave your current job you know the new job if you can get one (in the "dream" field of your desires) will not start you out making the same money you left......

So sitting in the movie I begin to cry - not cause the movie is so moving, but because I realize that I've let my old dreams "dry up" and I haven't any new ones that are worth anything to go chase. This has been my "heavy load" for a while now and I can't seem to shake it. Don't get me wrong my life as it is now is not bad, but it could always be better. I do remain hopeful that one day again (hopefully soon) I will again dream and begin to chase those dreams.

Thanks for checking in. PEACE!

Those Damn Huaraches #2

2006-08-15T18:48:00.000-04:00

Okay I'm chilling at home waiting for my personal trainer ( another story for another time) to come and I look out the window and what do I see? A baby Huarache walking in the front yard.

sidebar: for those of you just tuning in please refer to my post Those Damn Huaraches

At first I didn't think nothing of it. Then I thought to myself okay this is odd where is an adult. I walk to my other window just to make sure I wasn't over reacting. There wasn't an adult in sight. The baby is in the front of the house by himself. He can't be more than 18 months cause he still has that just learning to walk wobble. I look and all the adult Huaraches are chilling in the backyard, if you want to call it that. I should call the cops on them but I'll let this go cause there are too many of them over there to begin with . If one goes missing, they probably won't even notice. I can't stand them. They play soccer in the front yard, hitting cars parked in front of the house on the street. The yard has barely any green grass if any at all. Why can't they take care if their property. They just annoy the ish out of me and I don't know why.

Just my rant for the day! Thanks for listening.

Life After the BBQ

2006-08-11T18:33:00.000-04:00

The BBQ was great and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I really need to big-ups my partners in crime for the day - Lightweight and Slish. Thanks to all who came from near and far to spend some time with "family". (stay tuned to find out about our next function).....

After the BBQ I had all intentions to hang out with Royce's Daughter and her girls and Lightweight and whomever else. But as you can already guess my body had other plans for me. I was beat, tired, dead. I had to get up the next morning and drive to Virginia to pick up my great niece. I know you are saying, "Phoenix must be out of her mind." I'm beginning to agree with you. To drive 7 hours right after a long ass day is way too much for anyone.

Well I picked up Momma Phoenix (my mom) and we began our journey at about 11:15 and got to Newport News to my sister's house at 7:30ish. Thank goodness Momma Phoenix did most of the driving this time cause if it were left up to me I would have ended up around a tree or something. We hung out with my sister for the next 2 days. Then on Tuesday we picked up my little darling - Destinee. She is too much. Two and a half years of personality. She is much like her dad, my nephew when he was her age, funny, mean, smart, precious and full of energy.

We drive back and get to my place about 1 am. What time do you think Miss Missy went to sleep? 4:00 am. So you know I am exhausted to the enth degree. She is the type of birth control money can't buy. I would love children but if that is not in my cards then I'm okay with that. Actually as of today I don't need to have any kids. I work with them all school year and I get My Precious for a week in the summer. I'm burnt out.

I do empathize with parents. I know what it is like to want to go out but you have no baby sitter or you want to take a nap but the baby won't go to sleep. So I have about 5 more days to go, a small break and then back to school for me.

I'm a great auntie and I love my great niece, niece and nephew, but doing this full time - well let's just say I'm not sure I would do as a good job.

So this is life after the BBQ (this year).

Caramel Spice

2006-08-01T19:21:00.000-04:00

CARAMEL SPICE

Have you ever had yourself some caramel spice?

You think you may have but let me tell you something
The real caramel spice is hard to come by

It’s rare
There are many pretenders so if you ever get the authentic Caramel Spice, you better treasure it.
It’ll never do you wrong

Caramel Spice will lift your mood when you are down
Comfort you when no one else is around

But you need to know how to care for your rare Caramel Spice
You must respect its qualities
Consider its delicateness and tenderness when mixing it with other things

But truth be told
It’s been said it is the only spice you’ll ever need

So do you have any Caramel Spice?
If not, you need to get you some

Do You Have a Recurring Dream

2006-07-30T18:16:00.000-04:00

I've been plagued by this recurring dream for years. I don't know why but every so often, about twice a year a have this stupid dream. Every time I have some details are a little different but the outcome is the same. It has me talking to some Saltine man and he is telling me that I failed 11th grade English and that all of my diplomas are invalid. He goes on to tell me that I will have to redo 11th grade English. In the dream I begin to panic and sweat. I try to explain to the man, whose face I haven't been able to make out, that I passed 11th grade English and there must be some mistake. He is certain that he is correct and that my employer will be notified as well as the two colleges I went to for my bachelors and masters.

The dream goes on and on like this everytime I have it. I wake to find myself questioning did I forget to do something in high school, was there a lesson I didn't learn, what could it be. I haven't been able to make heads or tales of this dream for years. It's kind of haunting. If in the dream the man said I failed Trig, Precalculus or French then the dream would be more realistic. Those are the subjects I struggled with in high school. But I know I passed English with good grades. I thought my 11th grade English teacher Mrs. Dierking looked like a witch. She had jet black hair and wore this awful dark lipstick. But she was nice and a good teacher.

I hope to one day find out the meaning of this dream so I don't dream it twice a year.

I just thought I 'd share some of my madness, since that is what I dreamt last night. What is your recurring dream?

A Poem for Yall

2006-07-11T10:07:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd post this to support RMACK's last post.

We Are With You

For brothers everywhere who are keeping on when life is tough.
Don’t give up on tomorrow.
But why shouldn’t you when you say no one can feel your hearts sorrow.

That is not so, you are not by yourself in your plight,
There are sisters with your in your fight.
You face hardships that we cannot measure.
But it is your perseverance and manhood that we treasure.

Times are hard but when were they not.
Your African ancestor brothers were great men or have you forgot

The game of TAG - You're It

2006-07-01T18:35:00.000-04:00

Tagged by CHEZNIKI sort of?

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2006? Yup, I'm about to get some later today. I don't get it clearly as much as I want it or need it (ladies it's good for your complexion - lol)

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? Umm hmm - off on the side of the road once - twice - three times in a car, almost got caught one of those times.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Yeah, several times. The act of sex itself is funny to me. If you really pay attention to your partners face and you are giving it to him good, there is no way in hell he can keep a manly face. That issh is funny to me - out goes all the machoness.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Yes...Which time: the time when it was so boring I just wanted the dude be done - he really thought he was working it - NOT! The other was when I realized I was really in love with my ex-fiance.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? it all depends on the person and what time it is. If it is late and I need to get up in the morning Hell no -please move to your side of the bed.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? Not really.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Yup many times.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUK UP? A little bit of talking is okay, but I'm not really trying to have a conversation.

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Yes, with my ex-fiance.

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Ilk that's nasty.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Yes, but we were friend before that.

12. HOW BOUT A 3-SOME? No, but there was this one time in college back when I was a freshman and my roommate had her man over. I was sleeping and they decide to get busy- they were so loud I thought I was participating.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? No.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Yup - Morris Chestnut, Boris Kodjoe, the dude from the Wire with the English accent in real life, Will Smith (the shower scenes from I Robot), Common, Mos Def, Larenz Tate, Ludacris, Nick Cannon (my young obsession), do I need to continue - ooh yes I forgot the athletes - Kevin Garnett (he ain't the best looking brotha but there is something about him), James Blake (tennis star - with out the locs), and Courtney Vance (married to Angela Bassett) - his lips are divine.

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE? Yes damn it!

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? The time I was getting busy with my then love of my life back in 1990 at my house. The buzzer rings several times I finally answer it thinking it was some kids playing around like they always did in my building but it was my sister's best friends. I buz them in - thinking we had a few minutes to get dressed (the elevator factor), but to our surprise they got upstairs and was opening the door (they had a key and I didn't know this at the time) while we were just getting up off the hallway floor ( we did it almost everywhere back then). They started laughing at us cause it was evident was was going on. I was so embarrassed. They didn't tell my mom - Thank God.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? 16 and a half to this older dude I think he was 19 at the time. I thought he was the issh.

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? Well ummerrah I can't say because it ain't my jump off. And he don't know I want him like that (see I'm a lady and ladies don't play themselves like that - wink wink). But damn if he only knew what I want to do with him - umm sinful!

19. DO YOU THINK THAT number 18 IS POSSIBLE? most likely not. I don't think he is really interested (his loss) although we did have a moment of flirting between us. "sigh"

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Hell to the YES!!!!!!

21. WOULD U HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS? umm I'll pass.

Heart Broken

2006-06-28T19:11:00.000-04:00

Cleveland

I must go back in order to go forward
I need to say goodbye
Farewell to what I’ve come to love

My love for you took me by surprise
The idea of you was inviting
The reality of you was too good to be true
I was intrigued, my interest sparked

You had much to offer, much to share, much to teach, much to give, much to take
I explored you, I learned about you – from you

I shared in your seasons
Shivered with you when it was cold
Smiled with you when it was sunny
When you were unsure what the season was, I decided for you
I stood tall in the strongest of winds
I stayed in the shade so you could shine

One of the things I loved most about you was that you were rugged and refined
Suburban and urban
You fed me from your lake
I cooked local crops and made aromatic dished in my kitchen
We drew closer in the serenity of your green courses
You offered an arena to my passion
A harmonic dance of sport

But as the earth spun, so did the love affair
My love was no longer enough to keep you wet like the summer raindrops on your sidewalks

There wasn’t enough space in your harbor for me
You cast me out like the tall ships at the dock
So subtly you let me go
I didn’t realize the departure would be as it was
I didn’t get the closure I needed to what I thought was going to be my final resting place
When I do finally rest, I will remember the welcome not the farewell.

Better Homes and Gardens

2006-06-26T17:42:00.000-04:00

The last day of finals for my kiddies was last Thursday (thank GOD). After work I had to go a retirement shindig for the social worker here. It was at this psychologist house in Greenwich, CT. Let me tell you just how fabulous this house was. It looked as if I had just stepped into the pages of Better Homes and Garden or one of those magazines where they feature homes of the rich and famous. First of all to get there I was driving on streets that had horse ranches on them and farms. I get to the street that the psychologist lives "Private Road". Only 7 houses on the street if you want to say that was a street. I get to the house - I pull up to a gate and had to be buzzed in. This house was PHAT - long circular driveway leading up to the front of the house where 7 visiting cars fitted. Mind you they already have one garage and are building another one. The new garage looks like a small house.

So as you walk in the house all you see is space. To the right is the formal living room and off the formal living room is a den. Mind you there is a fire place in both. To the right of the entrance is a staircase leading to the second floor. I didn't have an opportunity to go upstairs, but I can only imagine. Past the staircase was the formal dining room which can seat 22 people. The table looked fit for a King. Off the formal dining room was, for all you cooks out there, the kitchen to die for. It was so big. All the appliances were flushed to the walls. It had two islands and a full size (seats at least 8) dining room table. It had a two sinks and the refrigerator was on of those stainless steel joints. The stove was the kind made for a serious cook. And get this on one of the islands there was a draw you pull out and it was an ice maker. I was blown away. Off the kitchen there was a butler's pantry. Very nice. The back yard was designed for entertaining. They have two full service grills out there. They have plenty of seating areas. They have an infinity pool, a grass tennis court and a putting green. To top it off they have a pool house.

It was sick to think about how much this house would go for - about $10million (someone asked). I got to go into the pool house to change my clothes, I had to leave from there and go to a graduation where I was speaking at. The pool house has to be at least 10,000 square feet. The bathroom alone was huge. It puts the pool house that the "Fresh Prince" lived in on the show to shame.

All I can say is damn - it must be nice.

New Jack Swing Concert

2006-06-19T21:34:00.000-04:00

If you take you love away from me I'll go Crazy....... BlackStreet

This past Friday night me, Lightweight and her girl Take No Mess (TNM) went to see the new Jack Swing concert for Lightweight's birthday. It was a surprise for Lightweight. All she knew was to be ready to go out and I was picking her up at 5:15. She kept asking where we were going so I told her we had a 6 pm reservation at Gray's Papaya. For those of you who don't know about Gray's it's basically a store front hot dog stand with several locations in NYC. Of course Lightweight didn't believe this and figured out that we were going to her favorite restaurant Tony DiNapoli's (very good Italian food - 43rd St and B'way). She was all excited. She still didn't know about the concert. As we were eating dinner we told her that there was a part 2 to the evening. So TNM and I started to sing songs from the artists performing.

So we get to the Theater at Madison Square Garden and the place was packed. Black folk were out that night. So with that comes the fashion disasters. OH MY GOD - I can't believe people stepped out of their houses looking the way many of them did.

Fashion police was giving out summonses: Okay for the big girls - yall can't wear everything that your size 4 homegirl wears. Stop with all the tight spandex and little ass tank tops with no bra. 38 DD should not got without a bra - I'm sorry you just can't. Now for the skinny girls - great your skinny but I don't want to see you butt cheeks hanging out from under your too mini mini. And ladies what is up with the hair styles from the 80's I know it was a concert with music from the late 80's and early 90's but damn yall took it to far. Fellas weren't any better. Why was there this dude - he looked like he could have been Flava Flavs brother, in a cheesy white suit with a jacket that cam below his calf and the sleeves were too long. No lie. And he had the nerve to have on cheap black dusty shoes with it.

We had great seats. But why was there a reformed crack head sitting next to me. She said to me , "yo who performed first?" (cause you know she got there late) And to top it off it wasn't even her seat. She ended up having to move. During Tony Toni, Tone's set she broke out a piece of aluminum foil with some smelly shit in it. I was thinking to myself "hell to the NO she didn't!"

After Seven performed first. They are looking very old but they still did their thing. My only complaint with them is that they sang with tracks not a live band. Also the cousin was not there (babyface's brothers performed with some new dude). Next up was Tony Toni Tone. They rocked it out. Raphael Sadiqq no longer performs with them but the lead singer was their cousin who sounded and looked just like Raphael. They were as good as I thought they would be. Third up was Blackstreet. Now yall know that during their day they had several members leave the group. Well Friday we were introduced to some guy from NC that took Chauncey BLACK's place. They sounded excellent. The harmony was tight. They even had some dance steps going. And ladies member Mark Middleton's body was hot. He took his shirt off and had on a wife beater. Let me just say that his biceps were a thing of beauty. But he went further and took off the wife beater. His six pack was divine. If he would have been butt naked he would have given D'Angelo a run for his money in that video. Ooo ooh, I was having a flash back - sorry. They did all their hits. It's a shame the Chauncey BLACK wasn't there. Teddy Riley did some of his songs with Wrek's N Effect. Then GUY came out. The Hall brothers still look the same - goofy but they did their thing. At one point they started doing the running man across the stage. That had everyone laughing. Aaron sounded the same. What I didn't like about their show was the Aaron was trying too hard to have the same shine he had back in the day. "Your old damn it. Girls don't want you." He had the nerve to take his shirt off. Now if you all remember how skinny he was back then - well he is just as skinny now. My nephew when he was ten had more muscles then Aaron Hall has right now. Shame! Anyway the the concert was a great success in my opinion. I just wish that all of the groups that performed would come back out with some new material. It would sure be music to my ears and sound better than much of the garbage that is out nowadays. If you have the chance to see the concert go check it out. It was well worth my money.

Here I Am

2006-06-09T18:19:00.000-04:00

I haven't hit yall with a poem in awhile. Here is one of my favorites. It was written back in 1999.

HERE I AM

What’s that you say
You don’t know me
Don’t recognize me
Shh – it’s more like you just ignore me
I’ve been here all along
Biding time – Waiting
You heard me – waiting
Umm hmm, I’m tired
Sick and tired of wanting you to acknowledge me
Me and all that I am, was and ever will be
You have tried to strip me of everything possible
Education, goods, services and even a good man
But you know what?
There are two things you can’t take from me
No matter how hard you try
You can’t take them
My powerful voice and my beautiful brown skin
That’s right
You try to make these my liabilities
But they are my greatest assets
I know you admire my dark skin that I am in
Why else would you bake out in the sun for hours
You envy the intelligent and poetic words that flow from my full lips
So you continue to leave me out of my rightful place in society
Don’t get this sista started
I have had plenty of time to hone my skills to perfection
No longer am I willing to be pushed aside
I am taking charge of my future, my education, producing goods and services that I can be proud of
And no longer will I allow you to pit me against my man
I don’t think you heard me
Let me say it again a little bit louder
NO LONGER WIILL I ALLOW YOU TO PIT ME AGAINST MY MAN, MY GOOD MAN
My time is now
I will not be denied
You may try all you like
But you will not succeed
I won’t let you
My voice is too loud
my brown skin too radiant
So what’s that you say?

Update on the Postman

2006-06-04T18:37:00.000-04:00

Well it's been a minute and I thought I give you all an update on how things are with the Postman. Improving.

Since my first encounter with him, I did run into him while I was doing laundry one afternoon. He still was trying his damnedest to get into the pants. Not happening. He saw me standing at the elevator an proceeded to try and hold a conversation with me. I wasn't rude but I wasn't polite either. I spoke to him as if he were just another person standing at the elevator with me. He on the other hand kept running his mouth. He even got on the elevator and rode up with me when he was on his way out when he saw me. Of course he said some ignorant shit as I was about to get off the elevator. All I kept thinking was I hope he doesn't go touch my clothes that were in the dryer. YUCK!

The next encounter was about a week later. He is sitting in his car as I'm coming out the side door to the building. His windows are rolled up and tinted, but I could tell he was in there. Know how - cause the negro immediately rolls them down to speak. I give it to the brotha for being persistent. Anyway he say hello and I say hi and keep walking. Don't you know this fool follows me up the driveway and says, "hey did you get my text the other day?"
Me - "yes."
Postman - "well I thought I'd hear from you.?"
Me - "No, I have nothing to say."
Postman - "What do you mean? I thought we could hang out again?" (This was said with a pout on his face as if he were 5 years old.)
Me - "No, you don't listen."
Postman - "what, can I have another chance? "
Me - "NO, You don't listen."

Thank goodness just then another car needed to turn into the driveway cause I was about to flip on this Nukka. I made a bee line to my car, got in and left.

Next encounter - sort of, was last week at work. Me and 2 co-workers decided to go out for lunch. As we are driving don't you know we see the Postman on his route. But the worst is - he sees us. He is waving all hard making sure that we see him. It was hilarious if you could have seen how silly he looked. Me and my coworkers are cracking up cause I tell them the story of how he is an idiot.

Now earlier this week I stop to get gas at this little no frills gas station down the block from my house and don't you know as I'm pulling out of the gas station who is right behind me - the Postman. "Damn it. If I don't have the worst timing." I'm talking to myself by this time cause I'm in a state of disbelief. Not once have I ever seen him around the time I get off of work. Any way I can tell he speeds up a little just enough so that I notice him. I continue toward my apartment, but as I get in front of the building I keep driving. The heck if I was going to end up walking in the building the same time as him. I ended up driving around for about another 5-10 minutes just to be sure that he was in. When I got back to the building he wasn't there - whew.

Now today, I'm coming home from a glorious morning of worship (church for you heathens) and I see this man and woman standing next to a car. Now upon second glance I notice it was the Postman with an attractive young lady. I park my car and begin walking up the street toward the building. I see him glance my way but he doesn't say anything. As I get closer I can tell he is speaking more loudly. Now it's wasn't necessary for him to be speaking that loud to her, only if he wanted someone else to hear the conversation. Mind you I really didn't pay attention to what they were saying but I did notice she was taking packages out of the her trunk. They began to walk toward the building as well but they were several yards behind me. At this point I was torn as to what I should do. There were 3 things going on in my head: a) run, b) turn to her and say girl don't do it, he is CRAZY and c) or keep my composure if we end up on the elevator together. Well GOD was with me that moment, they decided to take the stairs - hallelujah!

I hope this is the end to the Postman saga........

High School Crush

2006-05-31T21:36:00.000-04:00

Yeah it's been awhile since my last blog, but this is the busy time of year for me at work and when I get home I don't feel like doing much of anything.

Anywho, I just came from a funeral. For those of you who have children please get things in "order" cause you never know when it's going to be your time. Life insurance and a will is not just for Saltines. Most of us have had family or you know someone who has had a family member pass and there was barely enough money to buy a coffin let alone pay for a funeral. If your parents are aging please sit them down and find out about their last wishes. I'm speaking from experience (my dad passed when I was 25). It's hard to make some of the necessary decisions if you are not sure what your loved one may have wanted. Oh okay back to the story. So the choir I am in was asked to sing at this funeral for this older man in my home town. The church was packed. It was a great sight to see many old familiar faces and all the love in the room. Anyway as I was a walking across the foyer of the church I see this dude standing in line to sign the guest book. I do a double take and sure enough it was this guy I had a crush on in high school.

I was in the 11th grade and he was sophomore. I thought he was the cutest thing, but I never told anyone that I was feeling him like that. Anyway I think ole' boy had a crush on me then too. He was a football player with the "black man's curse" - skinny legs but I thought he still was a cutie. We knew each other fairly well. We both participated in YTL (youth tackle league)as kids and in high school I was a cheerleader (for yall ladies who didn't make the team don't hate - LOL) so of course we knew all the players (you know also for that cheer - Such and such he's my man if he can't do it....) and we were in the Black Culture Club together, where I was an officer.

Anyway, back in HS the BCC went on this weekend retreat at The Castle. It was some camp ground in the woods in upper Westchester. Everyone in the club was all siked to go. Now we were told that we had to bring our own food cause there wasn't a cafeteria or mess hall or anything like that. Don't you know I don't think anyone ate a decent meal that entire weekend. All I remember was coolers full of liquor and beer and the smokers of course had their smoke. I lucked out cause my mom was one of the chaperone so I ate well. But truth be told the chaperones had their cocktails flowing. So the entire weekend "Skinny Legs" (as I will refer to him as) was trying to get with me. But I didn't give him no play. You know me being the little lady that I was (and still am), I didn't want my business all out in the school and trust when I say that if anything happen at The Castle, didn't stay at The Castle. You know folks especially hot and horny, drunk teens can't keep their mouths shut. So nothing ever went down with me and Skinny Legs - in high school.

Now at my pre-10 year high school reunion party, (it was a party for all the blackfolk who wasn't going to attend the official reunion with the Saltines) yes yall I'm that old - and quickly approaching my 20 year reunion, Skinny Legs shows up. He was looking very good. He now had a full goatee and grew into his body. I was looking good that night (of course) I had on a black leather mini skirt with a t-strap black body suit and a black seethrough knit shirt on with black boots. I was hot like Fiya that night and I knew it. Anyway enough with the fashion update, back to ole' boy. We talked and ended up exchanging contact information. Yall know how it goes down - boy asks girl for number, girl complies, they promise to keep in touch, yada yada yada. Well we did keep in touch for hot minute. He was living in Brooklyn and I was living at home.... We get together as his spot (cute apartment if I remember correctly), have a drink or two, and

Nothing happens! All I'm gonna say is - it wasn't for lack of attraction...You can fill in your own reason for the "do" not happening. Anyway we stay in contact for a while but loose touch. And I haven't seem him until tonight, about 9 years.

So I go up to him and tap his arm, "hey Skinny Legs." Him - "hey how are you?" We embrace and he gives me a kiss onto he check. Skinny Legs is looking FYNE! He has put on some weight but he will always be the slim type. Goatee full, lips nice and moist. Mmm mmm gooould! Him - "are you at still in the area." Me- "yup." He then looks me up and down in a very obvious way (which I liked) and then grabbed my left hand and turned it to see if there was a ring on my ring finger. Nope , none, nada. So I then take his hand and look to see if there was wedding band. Yup, umm hmm, damn! Dreams of rekindling an old crush down the tubes.

Of course I didn't let him know that I was secretly disappointed by this news, I congratulate him on his marriage - "congratulations!" He gives me that "yeah whatever look." Fellas can you please answer me this - why do you guys (not all but many I know) always have the sad "yeah whatever" look on your face when a single woman wishes you and your wife/girlfriend well and you look at us as if to say 'i wish I weren't married.'?" then damn it don't get married then. Then Skinny legs asks to exchange info to keep in touch. Keeping in touch is fine but I hope he don't think that I'm gonna be his chick on the side. There is nothing in that for me. But the thought is delicious! We'll see if he calls. What do you think - he calls or no call?

The Postman Always Rings Twice?

2006-05-16T18:26:00.000-04:00

Well it's been a minute since my last post and well let's just say I've been a bit busy. I had three birthday' celebrations during the weekend of May 5th, plus Mother's Day. The first celebration took me roller skating. Oh my goodness it was fun but my ankle is still sore. I haven't lost my step there. The second celebration took me to Carmine's restaurant. If you haven't been umm umm.... Well let's just say the Italian food is very tasty. And the third and most important celebration - my mommy's. I took her to dinner and to see Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. All I can say is I laughed my ass off. It was better than I expected it to be. I thought his movies were okay, but this play was much better than the movies. Now his TV show leaves much to be desired. Where the hell did he find Allen Payne at anyway. He looks like he has a wig on and the Jherri curl look is way played out. But I rather have a bad black show on then some of the wack white stuff. And of course I spent Mother's Day with my mom.

But now let me get to everything else in between all that. and bring yo up to date with me. In my building there is this dude who has been checking me out for the longest, about 2 and half years. Now I don't think he would have ever spoke to me if I didn't speak first. That happened cause me being the polite woman my momma raise me to be I spoke first since I stepped onto the elevator last one day. He was all grinning. Then I see dude delivering the mail in the town I work in. I'm thinking wow, it's a small world. So way later I see him again on the elevator and ask him does he work in "affluent town USA". He's like, "yeah how do you know that?" I'm like. "I work there as well, I saw you outside the pizza shop in your uniform." He is a mailman (and will be referred to as such from this point on). Okay I guess this was his in or at least he thought so. So everytime after that when I would see him he would talk about work and the rich Saltines in the town. That was cool with me. He seemed nice, pleasant enough.

Okay now about a month ago I see Mailman outside our building washing his car. So I say hello and we chat for a few minutes and during our conversation he does what I call the "slide in". That is what a dude does when he slides in asking you out without really asking you, just in case you turn him down. So the Mailman suggests that we go to a comedy club some time cause I seem like a "cool person." I say it sounds like s nice idea - okay. So I leave and continue on my power walk. Next thing I know on my loop back around toward home this car goes by me - whatever. Next thing I know it stops and backs up really fast. I start to head for the side walk and plan my escape. I look over and it's him, the Mailman. The first thing out his mouth was , "sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Damn right he scared me. "I'm going for some pizza do you want to join me?" I reply, "no thank you I already ate." But in my head I'm thinking hell no, not after you scared the shit out of me. So he pulls off after trying to persuade me to go with him.

Okay a few weeks go by and it's now May 10th. I'm leaving my apartment to pick my mom up for the play and I see the Mailman. We begin chatting. Nothing special, your run of the mill conversation or so I think. After a few minutes I tell him I must go and I bounce. When I get home from the play I notice a piece of paper sticking out from under my door. I pick it up and read it, "Dear Phoenix, I would like to know if you would like to go to a comedy club with me some Saturday. I'm not available this Saturday or the May 27th. You let me know when you can go , if you are interested. Oh by the way you looked very nice. Not that you don't any other time. Signed The Mailman." He includes his cell phone number.

Oh how sweet I was thinking. So I wrote him back that a comedy club sounds like fun but I'm busy until June and put my cell number. He texts messages me two days later asking to get together before June. I'm like I guess so - "when." He texts back that he would like to have drinks Saturday night when he gets back from taking him mom to see Madea for Mother's Day. I'm like okay sounds cool. I'm thinking that ole boy ain't gonna call me when the play is over cause it will be late. I knew I was wrong when I get a series if texts on Saturday asking me what type of liquor I drink , what juice do I drink with it, blah blah blah. Now I thought he meant going out for drinks - I was wrong again. But I thought no big deal I can go to his house cause it's right down stairs and I sure ain't asking him to my apartment. Plus if he tried anything stupid I can drop him cause he only weights about a buck fifty soaking wet. He calls me as he said he would - DAMN. So since I try to be a lady of my word I go down three flights to his apartment.

I know yall are thinking - "Phoenix what the Hell." Whatever, I went. As soon as I entered the apt. He asks do I want a drink. I tell him no thank you. sidebar - he does go out and get exactly what I asked for -vodka and pineapple. ( I should have told him I only drink Grey Goose, Belvedere, or Kettle One - he would have gotten it). I sit on the couch and we begin to chat. The conversation was okay. He wasn't too boring. Next thing I know the Mailman goes into his kitchen and makes me a drink without me asking if I wanted it. Okay, my caution light goes on in my head. We continue to talk. He is already on his second drink and starting to get loose with the lip. The Mailman starts to show his true self. He starts giving me complements that are umm let's just say inappropriate for a first meeting (not a date). He grabs my foot and starts massaging it. Now help me out here - when a person says "stop I don't like that" - does that mean, stop with that foot and pick up the other? Cause that is exactly what the Mailman did. I couldn't believe it. I then again tell him stop and I'm leaving. He begs me to not leave and that he would stop. He stopped with the feet but continued with the loose lip about how he is a swinger and asking me all types of sexual related questions. Now, I don't know about you but I thinking dude hasn't had much experience with women and it's been a very long time since he has dated.

By this time I'm really ready to go and tell him I don't appreciate all the sexual stuff and him trying to massage me. I get up to leave and don't you know this Nuccka ask me to spend the night. I was like hell to the No. I get to the door and he is begging me to stay longer. This was not a cute sight - a 43 year old man begging. WACK. As I walk to the elevator he still is going with the loose lip commenting on my butt. I make it upstairs alone and safely. Although I never felt physically threatened in that sense.

The next morning after I had time to digest the events of the late night before, I decide to call the Mailman and tell him that I think he is a nice guy and could be fun but I do not like when he comments on my appearance, he takes it too far, and I definitely do not like him touching me. There was no need for all that. He apologizes and said yes it's been awhile since he has dated. Whatever - that still does not excuse the behavior. Anyway - dude ask me to go to breakfast. I'm like okay - free food and the opportunity to tell him to his face what I said on the phone.

Okay we are at the diner and he is at it again, loose with the lip and trying to reach for my legs under the table. I'm like, "you must be kidding me. Didn't I just tell you I didn't like that." He just grins (Jerk - I think to myself). I tell him he would want to stop cause I know where he works and all I need to do is call my girls and we will roll up on his ass and do a Ninja (black masks and bats - hit and run) and my homeboy is a cop who is very protective of me. He laughs. I tell him he would want to chill. As we get back to the building he says to me (get this), "I guess I made a bad first impression?" I just look at him and say good bye and walk away.

Okay I'm thinking everything is over and he got the message. Nope, I see dude as I'm bringing up some laundry from the laundry roomthat Tuesday. He begins to make idle talk with me, which is fine. Then he blows it AGAIN by telling me, "you look good in those pants. They must be confortable. I'll just wait here until you get on the elevator." The entire time grinning looking foolish. I can't believe the Mailman is even saying this. So I slide onto the elevator trying to place my clothes in front of me to cover myself. Don't you know he jumps on as the door is closing. Now I'm ready to drop him if he steps near me. I think he sensed my anger and stayed his distance but again started talking crap. I get off the elevator facing him so he doesn't see my butt, but this ass gets off and watches me walk down the hall and says, "I just like the view. (What an ignoramous!)."

Why did he text me yesterday saying, "Hello Stranger! I guess I made a bad 1st impression. Sorry bout that. Next I will behave. If there is a next time (smile). Have a nice day QT." What the hell. He is crazy and desperate. I haven't answered his text and don't plan on it.

At the suggestion of my homeboy the cop, AKA - Mo (from my post the Three Stoogers), I'm gonna keep his text messages for awhile in case I need to take legal action. I would rather just run up on him and do a Ninja with my girls, and let all the Saltines on his mail route know what an ass he is (he would have to be removed from his route immediately, if he is not fired, they don't play that in that town). I think that would be more effective.

Oh I don't think this the last of it. If there is more I will let yall know. And if yall have some suggestions on how to get rid of "pests" please let me know.

Where Is The LOVE

2006-05-06T18:34:00.000-04:00

Where is the love I wonder?
Have we let the MAN put us under?
We’ve seem to have sold our souls to the fallen son of the Lord
All so we can have that bling bling that we really can’t afford.
Are you tired of seeing videos where sistas shake their asses?
Where they are exploited all to sell CD’s by the masses?
The sista on your arm is the best thing that’s happen to you by far,
But brotha you want to trade up and get a newer, younger “model” as if you were buying a car.
Black people, my people can we please stop all the self hating
Let’s get back to love and monogamous mating.
We are killing each other and for what?
All because we don’t want to practice safer sex and wrap it up.
We say the school system is failing our kids
What happen to the days where we taught yours, mine, hers and his?
Many of us talk a good game but would you really be ready for the revolution when it came
Or would you talk your way out of it with some excuse that was lame?
It hurts me to see my people living in such blind despair not seeing the forest from the tree.
We have to get back, regroup and rebuild our community.
I haven’t given up on my black people can you say the same is true for you
The reemergence of Black Love is definitely overdue.

A conversation

2006-04-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

Today I was driving home and I was on the cell talking to my "jump off". Yeah I have a friend who has benefits. Whatever, don't be rolling eyes at me. I already know it is not an ideal situation but it is what it is and until someone comes along that make me want to commit fully, then this will be my guilty pleasure. Oh but back to what we were talking about.

We were talking about being in love (not with each other) and having your heart broken. Does anyone out there know what I'm talkin bout? Can I get an AMEN if you've been there. But anywho - this cat is one of they most nonemotional people I know. But here he was talking about how he had his heart broken in college. Damn, I thinking it must have been pretty funny cause Dude rarely shows his sensitive side. He was saying how he was getting his act together and this girl (a Delta - go soror) stepped all over his poor little heart. So I ask has he ever been in love since. Nope he replies and doesn't think that he will. That's a damn shame I'm thinking to myself. But then I rethink that thought cause I've had my heart broken and I say the same stupid thing, "Hell no I ain't never gonna let somebody get that close enough so that they can break my heart". I'm a liar - I hope that I do love someone so deeply again that they could break my heart. That is the best kind of love - when you love deep. I said deep not stupid, okay. So for those of you out there try love and love deep okay.

Oh so back to the conversation. We both realize that this is a topic we don't want to discuss with each other and change the subject. It gets changed to "one night stands." Yeah the other end of the spectrum. Now if you never had a one night stand - I recommend it to everyone. Now I'm not saying have them all the time, but I think everyone should at least experience it once. Let me be clear with what I'm saying to you - at least ONCE. This don't mean go out and pick up the first guy/girl you meet. It should be someone you are acquainted with and are attracted to - please. Yes I've had my one night stand and let's just say it was a very nice experience and I'm glad I did it. I felt empowered because if I wanted to, I could have kept seeing the brotha. But I never set out to have a relationship with him. I wanted to see what he was working with. Sista's yall know damn well there is some guy out there who you know you want to see what he is working with. Ooo the flash back is making me smile. But since I'm all grown up now, I'm looking for a meaningful relationship with a man who is intelligent, far from crazy, employed (legally), handsome, got his own place, his own ride, and his own money (not asking to borrow some from me) and can blow my back out and make my eyes cross.

So my "friend with benefits" says he can completely relate to what I'm saying from a dudes perspective. He cosigns on my opinion. Funny we can talk like that and not get our situation all twisted. However I'm sure he has had more than 1 one night stand. He begins to tell me a few stories. I'm amused - sounds like the average black man. All I can hope for the both of us, is that one day we both find that special somebody whether for one night or for eternity.

We end our conversation cause I'm home by this point. We say our good byes...:-)

Tag I'm It?

2006-04-20T19:46:00.000-04:00

damn, Damn, DAMN! I gotta now tell you all 6 things about myself that I haven't told before. That's gonna be hard...(Royce's Daughter - wait till I see you, you are gonna get it)

1. I "borrow" supplies from work. It is so my home office will always stay stocked.

2. I have asked men I know to donate their sperm so I could get pregnant. I was going through this "I want a baby before I get too old" phase. Thank God they all said no. Whew, thank goodness it was a passing phase. I do hope to one day have a child but with the man I love and will hopefully forever be with. If not I have a niece and nephew and a great niece that I can dote on.

3. I 've carried on relationships with two men at the same time. That's big for me cause I'm not one for lying and frankly it's too damn hard to remember what lie was said to which person. It lasted a short while - I had some fun though.

4. One of my dreams in life is to sing in a band. I have wanted to do this forever. I don't know if it will ever come true - hey I can still dream.

5. I never smoked weed , for real, until I went to Amsterdam (about two years ago) . Oh my goodness. For all you weedheads out there - that is a place you want to go for a long weekend trip and just get blunted out of your mind. Of course it was never a hobby/pastime of mine but I went with some folks who do smoke and all the Dutch seem to be doing it - so you know the old saying "when in Rome, do as the Romans do." Well I was in Amsterdam and so I did and the Dutch do which is smoke weed. Of course I don't partake in that activity here. But I can sure say it was fun while it lasted.

6. I pass gas in my office at work. If the urge comes about I just let it loose. I work with "tomorrow's future" (kids), so if anyone walks in after I let one loose I just say a kid left my office and passed gas. Am I wrong for that?

Okay Slish, Trev, and Big Mack - tag you're it!

Those Damn Huaraches

2006-04-18T17:15:00.000-04:00

Don't you at the end of a long day want to come home to you castle and just chill? Well I had this in mind for today. That is until I pull and park my car next to my building. There is a nice little house right next door to my building, unassuming in nature. But why as I walk to go in the side door do I hear this damn pinyata music (Mexican/Latin music) playing all loud. Mind you it is 4:45 in the afternoon and I don't want to hear all that noise. Unfortunately for me my window faces right out over the house. Damn I'm pissed. It's not even May yet and the Huaraches (Mexican/Latinos/Hispanics) are already cooking out. They will continue this behavior until the first frost of Fall.

Not let me give you some background here. About 3 years ago this small family moves into this house. It was three adults and two children. At first I could tell what language they were speaking but I knew it wasn't English. Lightweight thought they were speaking Arabic or something. sidebar: she thought everyone was a terrorist back then. After a month or so I figured out it was Spanish they were speaking. Okay cool I thought to myself. But, damn then it happened. As soon as they got use to their surrounds - Huaraches just started popping out the woodwork like frikin roaches. I swear. They would cook out every single day weather permitting (and even sometimes when it wasn't cook weather) and stay out until the wee hours of the night. I guess that is how they do.

Now I'm off in the summer and I likes to get my sleep on whenever possible so I don't need any disturbances before 9:30-10:00 am. But WHY, why did they let a baby Huarache outside early in the morning yelling at the top of her lungs. This went on for one entire summer. I was so tempted to call child protective services on their asses, but I was persuaded not to. Damn I should have went with my instinct to call, then maybe I would be writing this blog to day cause their Huarache asses would have been deported back to wherever the hell they came from.

About two months ago I'm chilling at home minding my own business when I hear fire engines coming down the block. I'm like "oh Shit" it sounds like they are stopping at my building." I look out my window and see them pull up in front of Huarache central. I'm like "awe hell no this can't be happening." Mind you my car is parked directly in front of their house. I'm think the place better not blow. Next thing I notice is firemen going in and out. This goes on for about 30 minutes or so. No flames, no smoke, nothing. Whew I'm glad, but I'm still puzzled as to why the fire trucks were called. When the family was given the okay to go back in, don't you know I counted at least 15 people. About 9 adults and 6 children. And some of the women were pregnant. See just like roaches.

So can you understand my grip when I cam home today. It's not even like the food they cook smells good. It must taste like lighter fluid cause that is all I ever smell.

A Night Out

2006-04-16T21:19:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday evening and my girl Lightweight calls me to hang out. I really wasn't feeling up to it. I just had a long morning. The choir I'm in had an Easter Egg Hunt for the kiddies at the church. Also I had just come back from the Cheesecake Factory and I was full. They have really good Mojitos (better than the G-Bar). Lightweight called me early enough so that I could catch a nap. Funny how I need a nap before hanging out. We said that we would speak around 8 pm - good I could sleep for 2 hours (that is if no one calls me).

At 8, I call Lightweight, she is chillin writing out some bills. She said she was gonna jump into the shower. She suggested a few places for us to think about going. I was cool with the choices. But when I got off the phone with her I decided to call Slish and see if he had any suggestions. I told him where we were thinking of going either to The Den or to Harlem Grill to down to Maroons. He said he and his boy Spankinazz were on there way to The Den. I was like oh really. He suggested that we meet up at The Den around 10. That was cool with me.

So I get ready. I was looking really cute if I may say so myself. Ladies you know how it is, there are just moments when nobody can't say that we are not FLY. Well Saturday night was my night. Outfit just right, makeup just right, hair just right, smelling just right. Everything was ALL GOOD. Lightweight comes to get me at 9:45ish. I say ish because Lightweight is usually running late (not all the time but you know). We jump on 87 and make our way to The Den. We find Slish and his boy Spankinazz, whom I've never met before, (but saw at Slish's sister's birthday party) at the bar waiting for us.

Spankinazz is about 5 feet 8 and stocky build and silky chocolate complexion. Now if you know me, my "preference" is a chocolate brotha (but I don't discriminate - I like my light skinned brothas too). So yes Spankinazz got a second look from me. He also has locks that were up in a hat. I just wondered were they messy kind of locks or did he keep them groomed. But the thing that threw me off was he has on this orange shirt. My thought at first was were the hell does he think he is going with that orange shirt. But as I had a few sips of my strong ass drink the color didn't bother me so much. It was a rather nice orange color but most men wouldn't wear it.

The hostess sits us at a table in the back. We place our order. Lightweight and I get some "soul sushi" to share because neither on of us are really that hungry. I was still full from the Cheesecake Factory. The guys both get burgers and an appetizer. The conversions starts flowing immediately. Slish and I know each other from way back (going on 20 years - sorry Slish I had to put it out there). Me and Lightweight, well lets just say we have a deep bond - ooo oop! And After Lightweight and I gave Spankinazz the third degree, everything was everything. Oh I should mention that during the course of the evening it was disclosed that Spankinazz was engaged and getting married in I think June. I was happy for him - I know some of yall are like - WHAT. Yeah getting married (sob sob, another one down). At that point any questions I may have had for Spankinazz of the private nature went out the window. I am no home wrecker. So we finish our meal and we didn't want to call it a night, so we all head down to Starfoods in the Bowery. Slish is driving, I'm riding shot gun and Lightweight and Spankinazz are in the back. We are in this big ole Chrysler cause Slish's car is still out for repairs from his accident.

As we are driving I realize I have to pee. I was okay at first but as we were looking for the parking space that seem to be hiding from us, the urge became stronger and stronger. (TMI- I know). We finally find a space and I'm now walking with a quickness. When I tell you we couldn't get inside fast enough - we couldn't. I make a bee line for the bathroom. Thank goodness I knew were it was at. I had my birthday party at Starfoods two years ago (damn I had a good time). When I come out of the bathroom I only see Lightweight and Spankinazz. Slish is not with them. I look around and see Slish, or should I say Slasher dancing with this Saltine. I really should say grinding with this busted Saltine. She was short with dark, oily looking hair. She had on this black halter top that wasn't flattering at all. I guess she wore it to show off her tattoo on her back. She looked drunk. Lightweight told me that as soon as I made my dash for the bathroom, Saltina grabbed Slish and has been all up on him. Now, she must have asked was he with Lightweight cause all I know we are now his "cousins". Go figure. I know Slish has this fantasy of getting with a Saltine, but damn why did it have to happen while we were hanging out. I don't want to see all that. There were plenty of sistas in the place and he had to go get hooked up with a Saltina. Granted she came after him, but he could have declined her advances. Sell out!

Well the night goes on and Slish who has now turned into the Slasher (scary to actually see the transformation), has this Saltina hanging all over him. They disappear for awhile towards the bathrooms. When he reemerges he is looking all funny. Umm hmm, I knew something went down in the bathroom - Slasher and his triflin ass. He is all giggly - like a little girl, trying to play it off. I don't know why, we ain't stupid. The Saltina gives him a break for a few minutes, but not for long. Here she comes and off they go...

Anyway the music was bumpin Old school - right up my alley. So I grab Spankinazz and we start dancing. The boy has rhythm. We are enjoying ourselves dancing and laughing at folks. Lightweight is chilling on a couch. She is not big on dancing, but she was chillin. Now as I'm dancing with Spankinazz I decided to turn around and shake my "azz" his way . I wanted to see what he was gonna do. Yup, he was all up on it. I knew it - he could resist. I guess he wasn't thinking about his fiance at that point. But for real, I was good. I kept it all friendly, not seductive. I kept the "Inner Ho" under raps.

After awhile the Slasher comes back over and sits down and transforms back into Slish. His senses return and he starts talking about needing to get up outta of the place before the Saltina makes "danger" emerge. Whoa, yeah it's time to go. I don't want to have that happen. So we start heading for the door, no Saltina in sight. Good. As soon as we get outside this B*^$@ is grabbing Slish. I was like "come on". Don't you know this Nucca had the nerve to say "you want my keys, I'll be right there." I was like Hell to the No, in my head. As I was walking across the street, Lightweight tells me to turn around. When I do I see Slish and the Saltina kiss. I couldn't believe it. I thought I was going to throw up right then and there. I knew he had lost he cotton picking mind now. Yeah I read the stories on his blog about going out hunting for Saltinas but this didn't make no sense. Here was me, Lightweight, and Spankinazz all looking as if we were watching a horror movie. All I kept thinking to myself was that the B*^$@ better not start yelling rape or something stupid. Cause I don't do jail! We finally get to the car after a few moments of me pretending like I was hurling. We start driving and snapping on Slish. I really think he thought he was the "man". ILK - not. I was giving him the screw face the entire time. He kept saying "Phoenix, stop looking at me like that." Me, "like what?" Slish, "like that...."

Lightweight and Spankinazz were in the back dying laughing. It was funny. That Saltina must have thought Slish was some Taye Diggs look alike or something the way she latched on to him. And her homegirl was no better trying to dance with any big black dude in the place. I think they must have been on a Mandingo hunt.

Well we make it back to our car safely. I get a big ole tight hug from Spankinazz. It was very nice. Lightweight says goodbye. As we were about to leave Slish is checking his cellphone. Don't you know that crazy Saltina leaves him a message, "you better call me, so we can finish what we started. muah (the kiss sound)!" Nasty just nasty, tsk tsk.

As Lightweight and I are driving home we see Slish and Spankinazz pass us. I say to Lightweight, "Slish is probally rushing to drop off Spankinazz so he can meet up with Saltina." We start dying laughing.

As I'm entering my building, my cellphone rings. It's Slish begging me not to rip him apart when I write my blog. Well Slish How did I do?

She's My Favorite Girl

2006-04-11T21:31:00.000-04:00

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world...
(Talking 'bout mama)Oh, she's one of a kind
(Talking 'bout mama)You got yours, and I got mine
(Talking 'bout mama)Ah, Hey mamaHey mamaMy heart belongs to you
Oh, yeah
(1973 by the Intruders)

I love my mom but she can really work a nerve. This year for lent my mom decides she is going to try to give up/cut back/stop smoking.
Sidebar: she has been smoking since she was 14.
To help her with this process, she challenges me to loose this 10 pounds I've been trying to get off forever. I'm like cool, okay let's do it. Mind you I would have agreed to loose 50 pounds in 40 days if it meant she would quit smoking. I was a bit surprised by her request but happy that finally she has decided to try to stop. I've been trying since I can remember to get her to quit, but she kept puffing away until now.

Well as you know we are now several days away from Easter and the deadline for both of us. Now I know for sure my mom hasn't completely stopped smoking. She has cut back, she is down to about 2 cigarettes a day. I guess that's good. She claims it is huge for her. Okay I 'll give her that. I'm down a good solid 6 pounds. That's pretty good - all the "experts" say you should lose more than 1-2 pounds a week for healthy weight loss. So really I'm right on target and feeling pretty happy with myself. I thought about using some of those weight loss supplement but decided against it. I put the weight on the old fashion way - I'm gonna lose it the old fashion way. LOL.

But back to my moms. Today we are talking on the phone as we always do (about nothing important). She brings me up to speed on my sorry ass family. Yeah Royce's Daughter, I got some too.
When she says to me, "so how's your diet coming along?"

Me, "Good, I lost 6 pounds."
I'm all happy about myself, smiling, dancing around my kitchen and issh.

Mom, "That's it? What about the other four?"
DAMN, I'm thinking to myself. Can a sista, your child, get a little respect?

Me, "Well don't you think that me loosing 6 is better than nothing?"

Mom, "Easter is this Sunday, how are you going to lose the other four."

Me, " Well thanks for the words of encouragement. You sure didn't even focus on the positive that I lost 6. All you focused on was me needing to lose four more. So you still smoking aren't you?"

Mom, "Yup, but it's not Sunday."
Damn her and smart mouth. I can't stand her sometimes.

Me, "Oh okay, umm hmm."

Now I'm pissed. She doesn't even see that she was dead wrong in her approach to be encouraging. For real my mom is the worst saboteur when it came to doing this. She would call me and say things like, "oh I made spaghetti (or some other food that I like), I packed some up for you to come and get on your way home from work." Now I told her do not offer me any goodies cause I'm being good with what I'm eating. She'd ignore me. The worst was one Sunday I went over her house after church (she lives right next door to our church - a sin), she has this big ole casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. My weakness (even thought mine tastes better than hers, hers is still pretty darn good!).
I say to her, "now you know I can't have none of that."

Mom, "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot."

Now she knows damn well she didn't forget.

Me, "Yeah I've been pretty good this week. I don't want to mess it up with eating mac and cheese."

Mom, "well you can have a little taste can't you?"

What kind of hell question is that? No I can't have just a little taste damn it. I'm on this diet to try and lose some weight and help you quit smoking and this is what I get.

Me, "no I can't have a little taste. What is a tablespoonful gonna do except make me want some more."

She is completely ignoring me by this point. She is in the kitchen getting out her tupperware and spooning mac and cheese in a bowl. I can't believe my frikin eyes. I don't know why I'm surprised, she has done this before, when I was trying to lose the same 10 pounds after a breakup I had (but that is another story for another day). She tried to make me feel better by feeding me all my favorite foods.
sidebar: I took home the mac and cheese and ate as my dinner. I tried to be strong but it was callin me, callin me "Phoenix, Phoenix". LOL

Oh but back to today. She tried to clean up her statement by saying, "oh you know what I meant. Your 6 will become 10 and you will feel better when you start to see results." Now did she even ask me have I seen results - no. But I have. She is a mess. Sometimes I wonder about her. She can be so well intending but say some harsh issh. I think it's only to me. My sister never tells me that my mom says stuff to her like she says to me. Damn that is f-up. Thank God I'm not thin skinned. I would be messed up in the head by my own momma. I ended the conversations by telling her I love her but I had to go. She was wreaking my mood.

Lesson of this story: don't take bets with your mom, even if it is to help her out.

Inner Ho

2006-04-07T22:38:00.000-04:00

Because I'm feeling a little nasty today, I thought I'd drop one of my poems on you.

Inner Ho

Not too long ago I decided to embrace my inner Ho.
All those inhibitions and hang ups I had to let go.

I’d been a good girl for way too long.
And it’s never paid off, things were still wrong.

I kept hearing her voice say come to the Dark side.
In my dreams I saw her standing there with the gate open wide.

It was no easy decision; inner conflict was to be had.
I was brought up to be a good girl and never to be bad.

I wrestled with the idea for quite some time.
Even consulted with some friends, but the final decision was mine.

I was scared at first to embrace her, my inner Ho.
She agreed with me when I said I wanted to proceed slow.

I did just that, embraced her dabbling here and there.
And I realized that we were such a good pair.

And even thought the good girl still comes and goes.
She takes good care of me, my inner Ho.

It's Coming

2006-04-06T18:33:00.000-04:00

Can't you see a new love a coming,
Just over the horizon anew?
It will be upon you before you know it,
Crisp and fresh like the morning dew.

You smile at the thought of love again,
So humble and pure as it should be.
Love is coming for you,
Yes coming for you ,
Just you wait and see.

Why

2006-04-06T17:28:00.000-04:00

Hey I just want to get something off my chest. I come home from a hard days work (not really that hard) and turn on my TV to watch a little something. I decide to watch a TiVO of the Ellen show. She's funny and for the most part she has good guests. I don't know what day of this week or last I was watching, but she was in Orlando for the show. Right after she does her little monologue at the beginning she always goes around the audience dancing. WHY can't Saltines clap on beat????? I got so annoyed looking at them jack up the beat to Kanye West' s song Testify. They were all off beat. If there are any Saltines reading this please help me understand. What is it? Saltines have a mutation on the rhythm gene or something. They were all off. When they should have been clapping to the eighth beat they were clapping to a sixteenth beat - all fast. It just don't make no damn sense. Some of them looked as if they were applauding to a song. How about just don't clap especially to hiphop and R&B.

Whew, I feel a little better, but I erased the whole episode because of that. It was just WRONG!!!!

IT'S A CONSPIRACY

2006-04-05T22:35:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it. They hade me seeing RED! How can Mandisa be voted off? Yes, I watch American Idol, well that was until tonight. I can't get over the fact that one of the best singers got voted off. Yes she made a poor song selection this past week, but damn. It was the first time. Bucky, Kelly, and Ace all have been making bad song choices and singing poorly but they are still there. Yo, the Saltines just don't want another black girl to win. I'm pissed, but I guess you can tell. I thought that not only black folks would vote for Mandisa but all the fat people would as well. I guess she didn't appeal to them she was just a painful reminder that they are fat. All I do know is American Idol has lost a viewer.

So what else comes on TV on Tuesday at 8 pm?

The Three Stooges

2006-04-04T21:42:00.000-04:00

Saturday night continued after we left the restaurant. Lightweight and I drop off Intrigue#5 and head home. As I pull into Lightweight's complex, we see the Three Stooges. Mo and I go way, way, way back. Larry and I met through Mo. And Curly I know from hanging with Mo and Larry. We pull up next to them. "Hey, what's the deal?" I yell at them. They replied, "we were just talking about you." I have that effect on people. Unforgettable - lol. We all begin to hug and talk, catching up on each other. This quickly turns into a joke-fest cause Mo and Larry have no sense at all. They are hilarious. We all end up going back to my apartment and have some drinks and friendly conversion. Mind you they all have a signifiacant others (wife/girlfriend), but not one of them called to say they were going to be out longer. I'm cool with Mo's wife so I know she would have been mad but not that mad. As for Larry and Curly - who the hell knows what they told their significant other later on. The convo at my house really ended up being was one joke,one snap, one laugh after another. They are so silly. Mo was talking about how funny looking he was as a preteen. He got up and began to demonstrate how he looked, walked and sounded. I nearly peed in my pants. Of course they snapped on Curly and I had to get my snap on as well. Curly is the strong, (big), quiet type - an easy target. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. I went to bed after they left still laughing.

Laughter is good for your soul they say, so my soul sure got a work out Saturday night. I'm glad I'm friends with the Three Stoogers. I have to "plan" a spontaneous gathering real soon to LMAO some more.

What's the Purpose of Reservations?

2006-04-04T19:11:00.000-04:00

Okay it's Saturday late afternoon and my girl Lightweight calls me up. She just got back in town and wants to go out to eat. I had already made plans to go to this get together of a coworkers at 7:30 and then meet up with Intrigue#5 to go and eat. I really didn't want to go to my coworker's in the first place, but you know how it is sometimes you have to do a little politicing to keep the workplace livable. So I tell Lightweight that we can meet up with Intrigue#5 after I come from my coworkers. She said that she would find us a place to go. I was like cool - one less thing I had to think about.

So as I'm sitting in the corner of my bed trying to figure out what I'm wearing(cause I was going to my coworkers house first and then out to possibly meet mybabydaddy) the phone rings. It was Lightweight, she had found a place and wanted to know what time to make the reservations for. I told her 9 pm. She calls the place while I'm on the other phone listening. "Hello, MoBay." Lightweight, "yes I would like to make reservations for three at 9 pm." Mobay, "okay what's the name?" Lightweight, "it's Lightweight.". MoBay, "okay you are all set. Bye." Cool so we chat for a few more minutes and hang up. I call Intrigue#5 back and tell her to be ready for 8:30. Okay cool.

So I'm still trying to figure out what the heck to put on. I finally think I find something and proceed to put a little makeup on. My cell phone rings - okay who can this be. It's a homeboy I just recently reconnected with from junior high school. Anyway we are shooting the breeze and laughing. Basically yall know what happen - it's 8:00 and I'm nowhere near ready to leave my apartment. "Oh well sorry coworkers you won't be seeing me." I finish my conversation with ole boy, whom I'll call Chi-man. I finish getting dressed. Mind you I change my shirt at least 8 times, so I have to now clear my bed. I call Lightweight and tell her I'm on my way.

I pick up Lightweight and have her call Intrigue#5 when she gets in the car. So we are finally off to MoBay's. The traffic is flowing - thank goodness cause I'm hungry as hell. But of course there are the drivers on the road that can't drive. I just don't understand the problem - I have my lane and you have yours - STAY IN IT!

We find the restaurant - no problem. Find a close parking space - no problem. Get up to the hostess desk - problem. They claim they don't have our reservation. Oh no how could this be. I heard Lightweight give the guy her name. She even spelled it for him. How can they loose someone's reservations? This was new to me. Thank goodness Lightweight was talking to the hostess cause I may have been so calm. The wait was 30 - 45 minutes. We decided to stay because by the time we would have gotten somewhere else and found parking it would have been a half hour. I wait inside as my two compadres wait outside. There was another group of women after us. Now all except one seems awhight. But WHY is there one chick dressed all wrong - with white capris on with a tank top and a shiny Baby Phat jacket and wedge sandals on. Now it was nice out Saturday night but not that nice. I mean she was really pushing the seasons. She knew it too cause my girls came in telling me how she was outside talking all loud about this was how they dress in the Caribbean. When they told me that - my thought was (which I think I said out loud) - well go back to the damn Caribbean especially with that outfit. I just wanted to sit down and get a drink. It had been a long week and I need a drink.

We get seated finally and our waiter comes by and says he'll be right back. Right back turned into 10 minutes. We had to ask another waiter to please ask our waiter to come back. We get our drink orders in and he is ready to take our orders for our meals. Lightweight pick the Jerk Chicken with white meat- great choice or so we think. No white meat for the Jerk Chicken. Oh okay no problem - dark meat then. I proceed to order the Brown Stew Chicken - oh by the way no white meat for that either. What? How can there not be any white meat chicken? Intrigue#5 order the Fried Chicken - of course - no white meat. Okay I'm getting pissed off. I ask the waiter, who by the way has a thick African accent (I'll get back to that in a second) how can this be that there isn't a piece of white meat for any menu item. He says to us, "you have to get here early with the white people." Now ain't that some issh! The Saltines done ate up all the white meat. Racism alive and well even with chicken. Damn. Okay we settle our order dispute and wait for the waiter to bring our drinks over. Lightweight asks him so what's your name? He tells us Fortune - as in fortune cookie. I was thinking to myself, "okay what kind of issh is going here and what is that his stripper name? He can't be serious." Lightweight then asks where in Africa are you from? He tella us Namibia. We grill him some more as to what is his real name and why does he call himself Fortune. He was nice to elaborate (shoot he better had, his tip depended on it) for us. His birth name is Muningaodu which means loosely translated - Forutne. Aww how nice. He was flirting with Lightweight the whole time. She had me and Intrigue#5 laughing when I told her he was an African Prince like in Coming to America. "Hell to the no he ain't. " she said.

Just when we thought the night was getting better there was a band that had been playing all along. The lead singer/guitarist who was old enough o be my granddaddy started talking instead of singing (which he did poorly). He was saying that people could leave a tip if they liked for the band. Then before anyone could do anything this fool leaves the area where the band was and started walking around the restaurant with a basket asking for money. I couldn't believe my eyes. What the hell - "Has he lost his mind!" When he got finished with the table next to us he just looked our way and mumbled something under his breathe (which probably stunk). He know better then to come to our table cause he was getting a cent. All I was gonna give him was advice to give up trying to sing. This man messed up every song he sang. He was making up words, humming through parts, awful just plain awful.

The only redeeming quality about the restaurant was that our waiter ended up being nice and the food was very good. I would maybe go back; earlier the next time to better my chances of getting white meat for my chicken choice. But I had a good time hanging with my girls.

Here I Am

2006-03-30T20:43:00.000-05:00

HERE I AM 4/30/99

What’s that you say
You don’t know me
Don’t recognize me
Shh – it’s more like you just ignore me
I’ve been here all along
Biding time – Waiting
You heard me – waiting
Umm hmm, I’m tired
Sick and tired of wanting you to acknowledge me
Me and all that I am, was and ever will be
You have tried to strip me of everything possible
Education, goods, services and even a good man
But you know what?
There are two things you can’t take from me
No matter how hard you try
You can’t take them
My powerful voice and my beautiful brown skin
That’s right
You try to make these my liabilities
But they are my greatest assets
I know you admire my dark skin that I am in
Why else would you bake out in the sun for hours
You envy the intelligent and poetic words that flow from my full lips
So you continue to leave me out of my rightful place in society
Don’t get this sista started
I have had plenty of time to hone my skills to perfection
No longer am I willing to be pushed aside
I am taking charge of my future, my education, producing goods and services that I can be proud of
And no longer will I allow you to pit me against my man
I don’t think you heard me
Let me say it again a little bit louder
NO LONGER WIILL I ALLOW YOU TO PIT ME AGAINST MY MAN, MY GOOD MAN
My time is now
I will not be denied
You may try all you like
But you will not succeed
I won’t let you
My voice is too loud
my brown skin too radiant
So what’s that you say?

Why Phoenix?

2006-03-30T19:50:00.000-05:00

March 2002 my life change. I would like to say for the better but the jury is still out on that. I was in a serious relationship that ended. I'll spare you all the details. In any event, with heartbreak comes much to get off your chest. So yes I had much to say.

I have alway written poetry and stuff since college, but I never took my liking of it seriously until the BREAKUP. I always thought I was somewhat creative and had a desire to "write" . In college only a few people knew I wrote poetry but I never really shared any of it. I was too shy to share that part of me and afraid that people wouldn't like it. Well that all changed. I felt I had gone through a change a metamorphosis, if you will. It was like the old me had died and a new and improved me was reborn. Now don't get it twisted, this change didn't happen over night. I'm still in the process of change, but you can believe I'm different now.

It's funny how some people can see you clearly before you can see yourself. A dear friend wrote me a note upon my arrival back to NY. It went something like this, "Do you know the significance you who you are? You are much like the Phoenix, a butterfly, the ugly duckling. There is a rebirth. A metamorphosis from one stage to another. One that is beautiful and fulfilling." Thanks DW - I love you.

That note is on my refrigerator. It reminds me everyday of who I am and all that will become. Adversity has made me reevaluate and rediscover myself. So that is why when I write I use Phoenix as my pen name.

Mr. C.O.

2006-03-26T22:52:00.000-05:00

Okay I'll confess I was (am) having a bit of a dating slump. I seem to attract guys that are too young for me, are short and look like Budda, or have a wife/girlfriend/fiance. So me getting tired of not going out discussed the situation with one of my homegirls. We thought that I had to get out of my comfort zone (which I don't have - cause I ain't comfortable with youngins, chubby, or taken men). So we came up with - nah let me be honest - I came up with the brilliant idea of me trying on-line dating. I signed up with two sites: E-Harmony and Match.com. I was a bit excited to be honest - I was figuring my dating life would pick up and I would have my social calendar set for months to come. SIKE my mind. It was very slow going - very slow.

Let me just say this about E-Harmony - it's for Saltines not for sistas. They were pairing me with the plainest white dudes ever. Now I don't have anything against interracial dating (well let me stop lying, he needs to be FINE and got his stuff together for me to even consider crossing), but damn these dudes were PITIFUL!!!!!!!! The one brotha they matched me with lived in Maryland somewhere. He was cute a pretty boy type (probably a Kappa) but we didn't connect. So needless to say when my 3 month subscription came to an end so did my dealings with E-Harmony.

With Match I thought I'd have a better chance at meeting someone close by and interesting cause after all NYC is the capital of the world. Wrong! What is wrong with dudes. Do you guys know how stupid most of you sound on your profiles? I think some must have ridden the short yellow bus to school and had classes in the basement (if you don't know what I'm talking about about, I mean Special Ed students in the retarded lacking social skills sense). I used to log on to get my laugh on for the day. Okay so I see this one profile of this dude - Mr. MTA. He sounded interesting.... We email and communicate for a bit. He finally asks me out. I was like okay it's been a minute, plus I give my homegirl all his information in case. We were set to go out on a Saturday at noon. He sets up everything - I just need to know where we were going to meet. This dude stood me up. Never called, never emailed, nothing. Okay I say to myself - don't get discouraged. Sometimes you have to go through the bad one to fine the good one.

Well the next one I communicated with by email seemed cool. A male nurse. I was thinking - okay "resuscitate me!" He was cute, had a job with benefits..... So we decided to exchange cell phone number. Oh MY Goodness - I couldn't understand anything he said. His accent was soooooooo thick. I don't even know what his name was - it was that bad. All I know is that he was Haitian, and I was a bit afraid for a moment. How could I tell him that I couldn't understand him and not be rude. I didn't want him to put any "roots" on my ass. So I just umm hmm him the entire time and next timed he called I just lied and said that I was getting back with my (non-existent) boyfriend.

But that wasn't the end to my on-line dating. I started communicating with this C.O.. He had the nicest smile. I love a nice smile and nice teeth. His voice was deep like BarryWhite. Okay I'm real interested now. Let me cut to the chase. We meet for the first time at Barnes and Nobles. Okay a nice public place - cool. The conversation was good. I we had things in common. Okay second date if you call B&N a first date (I didn't). We were suppose to go to a movie, but he wanted to look in a store first. Okay no problem the clothes store was right in the same shopping mall as the movie theater. He decided he doesn't want to go to the movie, okay not big deal - let's grab a bite to eat. We go to Applebees right in in the same mall. This dude was so picky about everything, from where we sat to how the food was cooked and how much the check was for. Now being that it was our first time breaking bread together I didn't go buck wild with ordering (how could you on applebees menu), but let's be real - we ordered 2 appetizers to share - how much could all of that come to? And to top it off I offered to pay the tip and he was like SURE. It gets worse. We go out a third time to Boulder Creek. We are sitting at the bar. Again we only order appetizer ( wasn't about to order anything I wasn't willing to pay for myself). So the conversation was going okay. By this time I was doing more listening and watching cause my "radar" was signaling something ain't right. He kept trying to put his hand on my leg and rub my thigh. Wrong move. I just met him and I was keeping that personal perimeter of at least 1 foot between us. So it was obvious when he was trying. He finally tired to turn my bar stool to face more directly and in doing so this jerk pulls my jacket to turn me. As he moves his hand away he brushes his right hand across my left breast. YUCK (it still gives me the chills now when I think about it). VIOLATION. Then this jerk had the nerve to laugh - that's when I knew without a doubt he meant to do it. I asked him what was wrong with him and did he really think I was going to be okay with what he did. He just laughed and said "what, what's wrong?' He knew - asshole!!!!! And to top it off he sat there when the bill came. I ended up paying the $17 bill cause all I wanted at the point was to get as far away form him as possible. I didn't feel threatened just creeped out.

so needless to say that is the extent to my online dating experiences. No more for me. Shoot I think I'm going to have to start asking for references.

TGIF

2006-03-24T23:43:00.000-05:00

Friday night
I am feeling a little tipsy. I was out with my girls 1 and 2 and Butta. It was a good end to a rough work week. I needed a drink. We went to this local spot for few. It was full of Saltines. No problem I was going to have a good time no matter what. I couldn't believe who I saw there "Tales from the Crypt Toes". It this guy who thinks he is so the "man" - Not. Crypt Toes and I used to work together back in the day. He is as corny now as he was then. He was tore-up when we got there and it was only 6:30. Some people will never learn. He still looked the same and his game was still the same - wack. Oh well. I was having a good time with my girls, laughing and people watching. Saltines just socialize different from us. They like to stand around and talk and drink until they don't realize they look silly. I'm glad I know my limit - and I went over it tonight - so what I wasn't driving for a change. I got my drink on.

When will he get the HINT!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-24T16:39:00.000-05:00

I know there are many of you out there who can relate. A few years back I was somewhat dealing with this guy "Youngin" and it was all good. We would hang here and there, have some drinks, have sex every now and then - you know all good. At first I was like, " Phoenix girl don't even waste your time." But it had been awhile since I had some and I thought Youngin could hang. He seemed like he was with it cause he was always up in my face, flirting and trying to press up on me. He didn't seemed bothered by the age difference - about 8 years - I know I wasn't. So I was like fine, I kick it and see what happens. WRONG idea.

Youngin was handling his business for a little while, but then things began to go awry. He would call and say he was coming over and not show up. He would say stupid, just dumb shit. And then he started treating me like I was his momma, asking for money and shit - WRONG. He lost his mind there - I ain't no man's MOMMA! He wanted me to cook, give him money and cater to him. He must have gotten me confused with some of his chickenhead PJ girls he knew - but I was not the one. I set his ass straight real fast.

Of course, he apologized and said he wouldn't act like that anymore. Yeah okay right. It was just a matter of time before Youngin started to act dumb again. But this time he went over the edge. This fool got himself into a car accident and hit a tree. Totaled his car and broke his upper leg in 2 places. To top it off, the reason he had the accident was cause he was running from the cops with a suspended license and a large amount of weed on him. Dummy! So Youngin ends up in the hospital (needing surgery on his leg) handcuffed to the hospital bed. This is the part that gets unbelievable - he had his sister (whom I never met before) call me saying that he may die and he wants to see me. Well I wasn't going to deny someone their dying wish, plus I ain't mean like that. I go and visit with Youngin in the hospital, trying to be a good person and friend. Now I visited him several times and ain't seen (or heard) no other friends come through. Go figure that? So when his ass get out the hospital (he is now staying with his momma), I call to say hi and how is his physical therapy going. This Nuckka (yes I sorry to have to use that word but damn he turned into one) tried to flip on me cause he had his sorry ass friends over. What I want to know is where were they when his ass was up in the hospital for a month? He said I was interrupting him and he didn't have time. Alrighty - you only have to tell me once. That was the end of my involvement with Youngin. I was just trying to be nice - but if you know me (which he obviously didn't) Do Not Take My Kindness for WEAKNESS!

I was done with Youngin, but I guess he wasn't done with me. He must have come to his senses or something cause ..... He KEEPS CALLING ME. Why? He has now reverted to texting me since I won't answer his calls. Are guys that thick or is it just him. If someone you have been calling and texting doesn't answer you and it's been 2 years, don't you think that they don't want to talk to you?

When will Youngin get the hint? And the beat goes on..... what next is he going to send smoke signals? Stupid Ass.

This damn thing

2006-03-23T18:03:00.000-05:00

My boy Slish told me I should try this blog thing. He thought I had stuff to say. I donno, we'll see. I mean I do got stuff to say but putting it out there in the universe I'm not sure about. I mean you hear about folks blogging and stuff but I never in a million years thought I'd become one of those people. I just need to take a few and get over it....