Should I write or not

Someone told me I should start blogging again. I don't know if I should. do I want to commit to the time necessary to do it or do I want to just chill and work on other things. Maybe I can do both......

Please tell me it's Friday

Have you ever been so happy that it's Friday you don't know what to do with yourself. Well that is how I'm feeling right about now. School has only been in session for about 7 weeks, but it seems like it's been 6 months. My student's parents are driving me crazy. The kids, well you know - kids will be kids. We've had 2 assemblies this week and that is exhausting. Last night my department - the Guidance department had a informational session at night. For the parents to say that they need more information - it was poorly attended. But of course the parent who called me incompetent (refer to my previous post - another work week...) was there trying her best to start shit. No happs! I'm so drained. I wish I could take a day off, but I have so many things going on right now it's not a good time.

I have teachers pulling at me to get some kids in support classes. I have parents demanding that their child be tested for special education because he is "falling" fast. I have the principal who at any minute could add me to her "shit list" cause she is moody like that. All of this for what? I wish I knew. I was asked by someone the other day what would demotivate me in regards to work? My answer today is - dealing with everyone else's bullshit. Parents need to parent and stop making excuses for their lazy ass, cheating, manipulative, immature, entitled behaving child. Teachers need to teach regardless of the ability levels of the students - they all learn to teach to all types of learners, not just the smart kids. The principal needs to realize that she can't be everyone's best friend and stop holding a grudge against those that don't always agree with her - keep it professional. The maybe, just maybe my job will be a bit more manageable.

Gosh this week and last I wish I could drink on the job. Please excuse me with my ranting but I need to let off a little steam.

If anyone has any suggestions for letting off work related stress please share them.

SEARCHING

4 truth
4 answers
4 love
4 music
4 acceptance
4 wisdom
4 friendship
4 understanding
4 forgiveness
4 purpose
4 happiness
4 reason
4 sanity
4 freedom
4 trust
4 loyalty
4 honesty
4 spirituality
4 laughter
4 creativity
4 genuineness
4 words
4 companionship
4 you
4 me
4 all
searching

Skool Daiz

Ever since I wrote about my experience last week at work, it got me thinking about when I worked in the Bronx at a middle school. All I have to say it is COMPLETELY different from where I work now. I'd like to share a poem I wrote while I was working at the school in the "ghetto" back in 2003.


School Days



School Days filled with torment and fear
Always some kind of drama going on with student peers

Students out of control running the place
Cussing and cursing up in someone’s face

Graffiti written on stairway walls
School aides chasing people down the hall

Boom- smash –crash lights being broken
It’s seldom that you hear positive words being spoken

I try to do my job it’s a never ending battle
Students get arrested and are driven off like cattle

What can I do – how can I make a difference
When the system is failing and it don’t make any sense

You have non-qualified teachers sent to inspire
When in fact they should be fired

When can we get back to reading, writing and arithmetic?
When you have boys in the stairs saying suck my dick

There are smile in your face back stabbing staff members
Giving lame ass holiday parties in the month of December

When I compare this institution – I think of a zoo
There are days I barely make it through

I have to admit there are a few moments of hope
But they quickly vanish when I smell some students smoking dope

If these here students are our hope for the future
Call an ambulance cause I’m gonna need some sutures

I give credit when credit is due
To those committed educators which there are very few

I feel sorry for those students who want to learn
A better future for themselves is what they yearn

If you ask me are they getting the necessary tools
Please – don’t be a fool

You tell me – out of 213 kids, 97 fail
Parents better start saving – not for college but for bail

It’s a shame when I feel my Masters degree had gone to waste
A new career I must get and I must make haste.

Money money money is always a school board issue
Mess with my pay and somebody is gonna have dead brain tissue

What happen to the school system being the last safe institution?
Have the bureaucrats forgotten the words of the constitution

Our children will never really have the American dream and be free
When you have white shirts endorsing academic slavery


I pray to God each and everyday
That I have the emotional, mental and physical strength to stay

But the light is dimming the flame is flickering
I’m just damn tired of all the faculty bickering

So as I plan my final days as an educator, my big ado
I hope I’ve at least helped a life or two

God willing – when it’s my turn
I’ll have a child who loves to learn

I could go on and on I know I can
But I’m going to bring this poem to its end

But before I go – I would like to say
Pray for our schools everyday.

Truth or Dare

I was reading Organized Noise's blog last night and it was about his most memorable truth or dare (thanks to Trizzy and Xavier). At the end he invite everyone to play the game. I thought it would be fun and it brought back memories of playing it as a teen.

So I picked truth - ON asked me what was my most memorable truth/dare/spin the bottle experience. Well her it goes...

I was sixth grade and I I liked this boy that played on the Pop Warner football team I cheered for. Most girls liked him. He was that cute. Funny thing though he and I re born 4 days apart and our mother's shared the same hospital room for a day or two. Anyway back to the story. We were up at Renee and Ronnie's house (they were twins) Renee was my friend and Ronnie was my crushes friend. There was this other girl form our building up there as well. They knew we liked each other so they dared us to kiss. I'm no punk so I agreed. I had never kissed a boy before and was scared to death. My crush - HoHo as he was called back them was with it. He was far more experienced than I. It was not a problem for him.

So the others leave the living room and HoHo and I sit down on the couch. I must have been sweating and my heart beating fast cause just thinking about it - is making me feel the same way all over again. Anyway HoHo leans in and places his lips on mine. I pucker up and kiss back. I don't know how long the kiss was but it seemed like forever. I think I blacked out. I say this because the next thing I know the other three were standing there laughing. I was so embarrassed. I get up and walk in the back. I'm upset cause nobody told me that HoHo was gonna put his tongue in my mouth. I was grossed out. Whew thank goodness I got over that. I can't remember if HoHo and I ever kissed again after that. But because of a dare I had my first kiss.

so if you would like to play, in my comment area tell me if you would like truth or dare and I will post back a question or a dare for you to do. Don't worry if you pick a dare it will be something that will be easy.

PEACE

Another Work Week in the Life of Phoenix

I wake up this morning; get myself ready to go to work. I'm not excited but neither am I depressed about it. For the most part I really like my job. I can't say that I love it, but it sure beats working at plenty of other places (summers off). Actually I do love being a guidance counselor but I haven't found the right school. What I mean by that is that I haven't found a school that's a perfect fit with me. Yes I know that anyplace anyone works will have challenges, but it's those challenges have to be worth it.

The district in which I work is predominately white and affluent. With that being said, the type of students I deal with have attitudes of entitlement and don't give a shit about the people who work in the school. Example of this is that the high school and the middle school are attached, so I see plenty of my former students who are now in the high school. I can walk right by some of them and they will look at me as if they never seen me before - that is if they look at me at all. I don't blame them, I blame the parents because most of them treat the faculty and staff as if we are their personal servants. And being that I'm black makes it even easier for them to treat me like a servant.

I actually had a parent ask me where I went to college and how long have I been a counselor. If she were as smart as she thought she was, all she had to do was turn her head to the right and she would see my undergraduate and graduate diplomas right on the wall. If I weren't qualified for the job - trust - I wouldn't have been hired. I had to qualify for the job and someone had to interview me check my credentials. This type of ignorance is what bugs me about this district. I always have to CMA (cover my ass) and be one step ahead of the game at all times. I can't sleep on anything that comes my way because the first time I let something slip will be the "death" of me here. Granted I have tenure and they can't fire me but the parents sure know how to put pressure on the faculty they don't like.

But back to today and the reason for this blog. I'm sitting in my office putting on my sneakers. The school was about to have a practice emergency evacuation walk. When my phone rings. "Hello, Hello this is Phoenix. Hello. Hello. I can't hear you. Hello." There was very loud background noise and a lot of static. I couldn't hear the caller and I wasn't sure that the caller could hear me. The phone rings again. I answer, "hello, this is Phoenix. Hello. I can't hear you . Can you call back when you get into a clear zone. Hello who are you calling for?" Caller - "I'm calling about my son." Me - "Hello. I can't hear you." The call drops.

So I go into the waiting area of the guidance suite chatting with the rest of the department and the secretary's phone rings, but I can hear my line ringing in the back. I look at her display on the phone and see that it was for me. I answer, "Hello, this is Phoenix." Caller - "you should quit your job because you are horrible at what you do!" the call ends. Now my mouth is wide open because I just about to let the "ghetto" in me loose but just in time the secretary asks me what happens. I need to thank her cause I almost lost it. Everyone was looking at me and wondering what happened. Then I told them what the caller said. They couldn't believe it. The voice on the other end sounded like and adult female. THANK Goodness for caller ID. The secretary dials the number back and the recorded voice of the owner comes on "Gerry." Hold up - I had a student named Gerry last year. I'm thinking to myself "nah this kids better not be playing around cause they don't want me to really catch them." Dana the other counselor suggest that I tell the principal what happened when we get back from the drill. We all leave the office talking about how silly the person is.

When we get back from the drill I go into my office with the secretary to try again to get someone on the phone from the first call where I couldn't hear the person. I'm thinking it the same person or a group of kids. No one answers the phone at first but I try a few more times. Finally someone click the phone on but no one says anything into the phone. We could hear voices but couldn't tell who they were by anything that we could make out. I went and filled in the principal. She says she will inform the Title IX officer for the district. I'm cool with it. I have a gut feeling that it was just some of my former students acting REALLY dumb ( but remember in the district where I work - all the kids are rocket scientist - NOT).

So that was just some of the action for me today. Just another day in the life of a middle school guidance counselor.

But the saga continues........

The next day I have a meeting with the parents of one of my students with a 504 plan. A 504 plan is something anyone in the United States can have - at their school or workplace. It comes out of the the Americans with Disabilities Act. What it does is put into place things that a person may need to help them succeed. For example a person with severe asthma may need a 504 plan that allows him or her to have an air conditioner that filters out pollutants. Or a kid who has ADHD may have a plan that allows for him or her to get more help in the classroom. Well my student has ADHD and her parents wanted to know how the school deals with this and what is being done to help her. I go through the motions of explaining how it works and stuff. The mom gets all weepy and the dad is all defensive at first. The meeting goes for about an hour (I ususally only meet for about 30 minutes with parents). Don't you know at the end of the meet as I am saying my thank you and good byes, the father asks me, "how long have you been doing this?" For a split second I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought that the "rumor mill" of the town had gotten out and informed everyone that - yes there is a black guidance counselor in the middle school and she is here to stay (tenure). I had to keep my composure and answer this effin rude man. If he would have looked to his right he would have seen my diplomas right on my wall and would of had a good idea how long I have been doing this job. Well needless to say I remained professional, cause if I would have sounded in anyway annoyed or angry, I'm positive that a phone call would have been made to my principal. That's how they do in that district. Anyway, I said to the father in my most pleasant voice, "oh this is my fourth year in this district and my tenth year as a counselor. I love working with kids and I'll be your daughter's counselor for the next three years while she is in middle school." He didn't say anything after that. I wonder why?

My day continues on. I'm thinking okay the rest of the day will go smoothly. Right? Wrong. About an hour after the kooky parents leave my autistic student walks into my office. (If you don't anything about autisticc people they are so interesting.) He is clearly upset and melting down about something. As soon as he starts to tell me, the tears and the sobbing comes. He closes my office door because he doesn't want anyone to hear him. Wrong- the entire guidance suite can hear him even with my door closed. He is sobbing uncontrolably at one point. I'm trying to do my best to calm him down and stop crying long enough for him to tell me what is wrong. All I get is that he is upset with his math teacher and something happened in math class. I keep telling him to breath because he was hyperventilating and to start from the beginning. His speech is very hard to understand when he is calm so to understand him when he is upset is even harder. I keep asking him to tell me the story over because each time I get a little more information. He gets mad at me and yells," I said it in plain english - why don't you understand? What Are You TWO!"

I really wanted to laugh because it was funny but I didn't. I kept my compsure (barely). By this time one of the other guidance counselors has peaked into the office and his mathn teacher is standing outside my door. I ask his teacher to come in and try to explain to the student why things happened in the class. All I know is that the teacher tried to explain to the boy and he broke on her and called her stupid. Next thing I know her eyes well up with water and she turns and quickly leaves my office. Now I'm thinking, "okay isn't she the adult and doesnt' she realize that this is a kid with special needs and we are going to be tested just by the nature of his disability? She is trippin." So the student yells at me that he want's to call his mother and how come I won't let him. I tell him, " I will let you call your mother when you stop yelling at me. I know you are upset but I am not yelling at you and I don't appreciate you yelling at me. (this kid appreciates it when you speak to him intellectually) So when you stop you can call her." He stopped. He calls his mom, who is a school board member. They speak for a bit. I can hear his mom saying to him that it was his fault that he didn't have some worksheet and not the teachers. Which was true. I was surprised that she said this. Most moms in this district side with their child. She tells him she is on her way to the school.

The mother comes and things get worked out. My autistic student apolgizes to me gives me a hug and a handshake. All is well......for now.

And Tomorrow morning I'm gonna do it again........

LOVE ME FOR ME

This poem is dedicated to all the men who have matured and realize that the "perfect woman" is just an illusion and to all the women who have had to compete with this idea.


Why can’t you just love me for me
I’m never gonna be the size of a super model can’t you see

I’ll never look like Halle, Vivica, or even Beyonce
But I know I sure look good enough to be your fiancée

A rocket scientist I’ll never be
Not even a doctor, lawyer or an actress on TV

But each and every day I work hard on my grind
Pay all my bills and self sufficient, not many like me you’ll find

Some would agree that I’m a rare catch
My own place, no kids and intelligence to match

When you see an attractive woman, you stop and stare
Her posterior to mine you may compare

I’m not your mother or have you forgot
To pick up behind you I will not

So what I choose to eat take-out although I can burn
Why can’t we share the cooking duties and take turns

Don’t be disillusioned by this little belly and these soft curves
A bigger purpose they may one day serve

The perfect woman I was not designed to be
So please just love me for me

Visions

Because I know he is out there...






Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
Eyes open – eyes closed
Doesn’t matter
Blind as a bat
I know you, smell you, feel y you
Your deep-set eyes
Porcelain smile, African physique





Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
Where are you?
You are here with me
In my every waking moment
In my every nights slumber
By my side
Always

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
I hear your voice
It’s like a slow jam romancing me
I feel your touch
Making love to me
Sweet slow sensual

Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
Hot is your breath on my lips
With a finesse all your own
You penetrate me
My secret released with sighs of pleasure
You are happy too



Visions of you my chocolate dipped man
It is your strength and charisma that turned me own
No way will I ever love another
Loyal
Faithful
True to you
My chocolate dipped man