A Night Out

It's Saturday evening and my girl Lightweight calls me to hang out. I really wasn't feeling up to it. I just had a long morning. The choir I'm in had an Easter Egg Hunt for the kiddies at the church. Also I had just come back from the Cheesecake Factory and I was full. They have really good Mojitos (better than the G-Bar). Lightweight called me early enough so that I could catch a nap. Funny how I need a nap before hanging out. We said that we would speak around 8 pm - good I could sleep for 2 hours (that is if no one calls me).

At 8, I call Lightweight, she is chillin writing out some bills. She said she was gonna jump into the shower. She suggested a few places for us to think about going. I was cool with the choices. But when I got off the phone with her I decided to call Slish and see if he had any suggestions. I told him where we were thinking of going either to The Den or to Harlem Grill to down to Maroons. He said he and his boy Spankinazz were on there way to The Den. I was like oh really. He suggested that we meet up at The Den around 10. That was cool with me.

So I get ready. I was looking really cute if I may say so myself. Ladies you know how it is, there are just moments when nobody can't say that we are not FLY. Well Saturday night was my night. Outfit just right, makeup just right, hair just right, smelling just right. Everything was ALL GOOD. Lightweight comes to get me at 9:45ish. I say ish because Lightweight is usually running late (not all the time but you know). We jump on 87 and make our way to The Den. We find Slish and his boy Spankinazz, whom I've never met before, (but saw at Slish's sister's birthday party) at the bar waiting for us.

Spankinazz is about 5 feet 8 and stocky build and silky chocolate complexion. Now if you know me, my "preference" is a chocolate brotha (but I don't discriminate - I like my light skinned brothas too). So yes Spankinazz got a second look from me. He also has locks that were up in a hat. I just wondered were they messy kind of locks or did he keep them groomed. But the thing that threw me off was he has on this orange shirt. My thought at first was were the hell does he think he is going with that orange shirt. But as I had a few sips of my strong ass drink the color didn't bother me so much. It was a rather nice orange color but most men wouldn't wear it.

The hostess sits us at a table in the back. We place our order. Lightweight and I get some "soul sushi" to share because neither on of us are really that hungry. I was still full from the Cheesecake Factory. The guys both get burgers and an appetizer. The conversions starts flowing immediately. Slish and I know each other from way back (going on 20 years - sorry Slish I had to put it out there). Me and Lightweight, well lets just say we have a deep bond - ooo oop! And After Lightweight and I gave Spankinazz the third degree, everything was everything. Oh I should mention that during the course of the evening it was disclosed that Spankinazz was engaged and getting married in I think June. I was happy for him - I know some of yall are like - WHAT. Yeah getting married (sob sob, another one down). At that point any questions I may have had for Spankinazz of the private nature went out the window. I am no home wrecker. So we finish our meal and we didn't want to call it a night, so we all head down to Starfoods in the Bowery. Slish is driving, I'm riding shot gun and Lightweight and Spankinazz are in the back. We are in this big ole Chrysler cause Slish's car is still out for repairs from his accident.

As we are driving I realize I have to pee. I was okay at first but as we were looking for the parking space that seem to be hiding from us, the urge became stronger and stronger. (TMI- I know). We finally find a space and I'm now walking with a quickness. When I tell you we couldn't get inside fast enough - we couldn't. I make a bee line for the bathroom. Thank goodness I knew were it was at. I had my birthday party at Starfoods two years ago (damn I had a good time). When I come out of the bathroom I only see Lightweight and Spankinazz. Slish is not with them. I look around and see Slish, or should I say Slasher dancing with this Saltine. I really should say grinding with this busted Saltine. She was short with dark, oily looking hair. She had on this black halter top that wasn't flattering at all. I guess she wore it to show off her tattoo on her back. She looked drunk. Lightweight told me that as soon as I made my dash for the bathroom, Saltina grabbed Slish and has been all up on him. Now, she must have asked was he with Lightweight cause all I know we are now his "cousins". Go figure. I know Slish has this fantasy of getting with a Saltine, but damn why did it have to happen while we were hanging out. I don't want to see all that. There were plenty of sistas in the place and he had to go get hooked up with a Saltina. Granted she came after him, but he could have declined her advances. Sell out!

Well the night goes on and Slish who has now turned into the Slasher (scary to actually see the transformation), has this Saltina hanging all over him. They disappear for awhile towards the bathrooms. When he reemerges he is looking all funny. Umm hmm, I knew something went down in the bathroom - Slasher and his triflin ass. He is all giggly - like a little girl, trying to play it off. I don't know why, we ain't stupid. The Saltina gives him a break for a few minutes, but not for long. Here she comes and off they go...

Anyway the music was bumpin Old school - right up my alley. So I grab Spankinazz and we start dancing. The boy has rhythm. We are enjoying ourselves dancing and laughing at folks. Lightweight is chilling on a couch. She is not big on dancing, but she was chillin. Now as I'm dancing with Spankinazz I decided to turn around and shake my "azz" his way . I wanted to see what he was gonna do. Yup, he was all up on it. I knew it - he could resist. I guess he wasn't thinking about his fiance at that point. But for real, I was good. I kept it all friendly, not seductive. I kept the "Inner Ho" under raps.

After awhile the Slasher comes back over and sits down and transforms back into Slish. His senses return and he starts talking about needing to get up outta of the place before the Saltina makes "danger" emerge. Whoa, yeah it's time to go. I don't want to have that happen. So we start heading for the door, no Saltina in sight. Good. As soon as we get outside this B*^$@ is grabbing Slish. I was like "come on". Don't you know this Nucca had the nerve to say "you want my keys, I'll be right there." I was like Hell to the No, in my head. As I was walking across the street, Lightweight tells me to turn around. When I do I see Slish and the Saltina kiss. I couldn't believe it. I thought I was going to throw up right then and there. I knew he had lost he cotton picking mind now. Yeah I read the stories on his blog about going out hunting for Saltinas but this didn't make no sense. Here was me, Lightweight, and Spankinazz all looking as if we were watching a horror movie. All I kept thinking to myself was that the B*^$@ better not start yelling rape or something stupid. Cause I don't do jail! We finally get to the car after a few moments of me pretending like I was hurling. We start driving and snapping on Slish. I really think he thought he was the "man". ILK - not. I was giving him the screw face the entire time. He kept saying "Phoenix, stop looking at me like that." Me, "like what?" Slish, "like that...."

Lightweight and Spankinazz were in the back dying laughing. It was funny. That Saltina must have thought Slish was some Taye Diggs look alike or something the way she latched on to him. And her homegirl was no better trying to dance with any big black dude in the place. I think they must have been on a Mandingo hunt.

Well we make it back to our car safely. I get a big ole tight hug from Spankinazz. It was very nice. Lightweight says goodbye. As we were about to leave Slish is checking his cellphone. Don't you know that crazy Saltina leaves him a message, "you better call me, so we can finish what we started. muah (the kiss sound)!" Nasty just nasty, tsk tsk.

As Lightweight and I are driving home we see Slish and Spankinazz pass us. I say to Lightweight, "Slish is probally rushing to drop off Spankinazz so he can meet up with Saltina." We start dying laughing.

As I'm entering my building, my cellphone rings. It's Slish begging me not to rip him apart when I write my blog. Well Slish How did I do?