The Postman Always Rings Twice?

Well it's been a minute since my last post and well let's just say I've been a bit busy. I had three birthday' celebrations during the weekend of May 5th, plus Mother's Day. The first celebration took me roller skating. Oh my goodness it was fun but my ankle is still sore. I haven't lost my step there. The second celebration took me to Carmine's restaurant. If you haven't been umm umm.... Well let's just say the Italian food is very tasty. And the third and most important celebration - my mommy's. I took her to dinner and to see Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. All I can say is I laughed my ass off. It was better than I expected it to be. I thought his movies were okay, but this play was much better than the movies. Now his TV show leaves much to be desired. Where the hell did he find Allen Payne at anyway. He looks like he has a wig on and the Jherri curl look is way played out. But I rather have a bad black show on then some of the wack white stuff. And of course I spent Mother's Day with my mom.

But now let me get to everything else in between all that. and bring yo up to date with me. In my building there is this dude who has been checking me out for the longest, about 2 and half years. Now I don't think he would have ever spoke to me if I didn't speak first. That happened cause me being the polite woman my momma raise me to be I spoke first since I stepped onto the elevator last one day. He was all grinning. Then I see dude delivering the mail in the town I work in. I'm thinking wow, it's a small world. So way later I see him again on the elevator and ask him does he work in "affluent town USA". He's like, "yeah how do you know that?" I'm like. "I work there as well, I saw you outside the pizza shop in your uniform." He is a mailman (and will be referred to as such from this point on). Okay I guess this was his in or at least he thought so. So everytime after that when I would see him he would talk about work and the rich Saltines in the town. That was cool with me. He seemed nice, pleasant enough.

Okay now about a month ago I see Mailman outside our building washing his car. So I say hello and we chat for a few minutes and during our conversation he does what I call the "slide in". That is what a dude does when he slides in asking you out without really asking you, just in case you turn him down. So the Mailman suggests that we go to a comedy club some time cause I seem like a "cool person." I say it sounds like s nice idea - okay. So I leave and continue on my power walk. Next thing I know on my loop back around toward home this car goes by me - whatever. Next thing I know it stops and backs up really fast. I start to head for the side walk and plan my escape. I look over and it's him, the Mailman. The first thing out his mouth was , "sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Damn right he scared me. "I'm going for some pizza do you want to join me?" I reply, "no thank you I already ate." But in my head I'm thinking hell no, not after you scared the shit out of me. So he pulls off after trying to persuade me to go with him.

Okay a few weeks go by and it's now May 10th. I'm leaving my apartment to pick my mom up for the play and I see the Mailman. We begin chatting. Nothing special, your run of the mill conversation or so I think. After a few minutes I tell him I must go and I bounce. When I get home from the play I notice a piece of paper sticking out from under my door. I pick it up and read it, "Dear Phoenix, I would like to know if you would like to go to a comedy club with me some Saturday. I'm not available this Saturday or the May 27th. You let me know when you can go , if you are interested. Oh by the way you looked very nice. Not that you don't any other time. Signed The Mailman." He includes his cell phone number.

Oh how sweet I was thinking. So I wrote him back that a comedy club sounds like fun but I'm busy until June and put my cell number. He texts messages me two days later asking to get together before June. I'm like I guess so - "when." He texts back that he would like to have drinks Saturday night when he gets back from taking him mom to see Madea for Mother's Day. I'm like okay sounds cool. I'm thinking that ole boy ain't gonna call me when the play is over cause it will be late. I knew I was wrong when I get a series if texts on Saturday asking me what type of liquor I drink , what juice do I drink with it, blah blah blah. Now I thought he meant going out for drinks - I was wrong again. But I thought no big deal I can go to his house cause it's right down stairs and I sure ain't asking him to my apartment. Plus if he tried anything stupid I can drop him cause he only weights about a buck fifty soaking wet. He calls me as he said he would - DAMN. So since I try to be a lady of my word I go down three flights to his apartment.

I know yall are thinking - "Phoenix what the Hell." Whatever, I went. As soon as I entered the apt. He asks do I want a drink. I tell him no thank you. sidebar - he does go out and get exactly what I asked for -vodka and pineapple. ( I should have told him I only drink Grey Goose, Belvedere, or Kettle One - he would have gotten it). I sit on the couch and we begin to chat. The conversation was okay. He wasn't too boring. Next thing I know the Mailman goes into his kitchen and makes me a drink without me asking if I wanted it. Okay, my caution light goes on in my head. We continue to talk. He is already on his second drink and starting to get loose with the lip. The Mailman starts to show his true self. He starts giving me complements that are umm let's just say inappropriate for a first meeting (not a date). He grabs my foot and starts massaging it. Now help me out here - when a person says "stop I don't like that" - does that mean, stop with that foot and pick up the other? Cause that is exactly what the Mailman did. I couldn't believe it. I then again tell him stop and I'm leaving. He begs me to not leave and that he would stop. He stopped with the feet but continued with the loose lip about how he is a swinger and asking me all types of sexual related questions. Now, I don't know about you but I thinking dude hasn't had much experience with women and it's been a very long time since he has dated.

By this time I'm really ready to go and tell him I don't appreciate all the sexual stuff and him trying to massage me. I get up to leave and don't you know this Nuccka ask me to spend the night. I was like hell to the No. I get to the door and he is begging me to stay longer. This was not a cute sight - a 43 year old man begging. WACK. As I walk to the elevator he still is going with the loose lip commenting on my butt. I make it upstairs alone and safely. Although I never felt physically threatened in that sense.

The next morning after I had time to digest the events of the late night before, I decide to call the Mailman and tell him that I think he is a nice guy and could be fun but I do not like when he comments on my appearance, he takes it too far, and I definitely do not like him touching me. There was no need for all that. He apologizes and said yes it's been awhile since he has dated. Whatever - that still does not excuse the behavior. Anyway - dude ask me to go to breakfast. I'm like okay - free food and the opportunity to tell him to his face what I said on the phone.

Okay we are at the diner and he is at it again, loose with the lip and trying to reach for my legs under the table. I'm like, "you must be kidding me. Didn't I just tell you I didn't like that." He just grins (Jerk - I think to myself). I tell him he would want to stop cause I know where he works and all I need to do is call my girls and we will roll up on his ass and do a Ninja (black masks and bats - hit and run) and my homeboy is a cop who is very protective of me. He laughs. I tell him he would want to chill. As we get back to the building he says to me (get this), "I guess I made a bad first impression?" I just look at him and say good bye and walk away.

Okay I'm thinking everything is over and he got the message. Nope, I see dude as I'm bringing up some laundry from the laundry roomthat Tuesday. He begins to make idle talk with me, which is fine. Then he blows it AGAIN by telling me, "you look good in those pants. They must be confortable. I'll just wait here until you get on the elevator." The entire time grinning looking foolish. I can't believe the Mailman is even saying this. So I slide onto the elevator trying to place my clothes in front of me to cover myself. Don't you know he jumps on as the door is closing. Now I'm ready to drop him if he steps near me. I think he sensed my anger and stayed his distance but again started talking crap. I get off the elevator facing him so he doesn't see my butt, but this ass gets off and watches me walk down the hall and says, "I just like the view. (What an ignoramous!)."

Why did he text me yesterday saying, "Hello Stranger! I guess I made a bad 1st impression. Sorry bout that. Next I will behave. If there is a next time (smile). Have a nice day QT." What the hell. He is crazy and desperate. I haven't answered his text and don't plan on it.

At the suggestion of my homeboy the cop, AKA - Mo (from my post the Three Stoogers), I'm gonna keep his text messages for awhile in case I need to take legal action. I would rather just run up on him and do a Ninja with my girls, and let all the Saltines on his mail route know what an ass he is (he would have to be removed from his route immediately, if he is not fired, they don't play that in that town). I think that would be more effective.

Oh I don't think this the last of it. If there is more I will let yall know. And if yall have some suggestions on how to get rid of "pests" please let me know.