Dreams Deferred

Harlem (by Langston Hughes)

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore -
And then run?
Does it stink like a rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I was at the movies today watching my second movie ( If I pay to go to the movies I usually walk in and see a second one- movies are too damn expensive to only be seeing one these days.) I didn't plan out the time right to see the 2nd movie I really wanted to see, so I sat in on what I knew was going to be a wack movie - Step It Up or whatever the name of it is. Anyway as I was sitting there watching, I had plenty of time to think about a whole lot of stuff. One thing being sparked by the movie - do you have dreams and if so do you go for them?

Well me being the person that I am (or would like to think I am) started to really ponder this question in my mind. And this is what I came up with. Sadly I think we all start out with plenty of dreams, some attainable some not. For me, I know as a child I had so many dreams of what life would be like for me. Some of the dreams, of course, were your everyday lotto dreams like: if I had all the money in the world what would I do.... And some of the other dreams I had were in the category of what are you really gonna do with your life.

Some of my dreams were crushed by society, other people and just maturing. While others were dashed by me. I don't really need to give specifics as to what the dreams were, but the fact that I let them "dry up" like in the poem makes me sad now. Yeah I know some would say "never give up on your dreams." But fo-real, reality is a mutha and will slap you in the ass when you aren't looking. Also life starts to come into play - responsibilities: bills, rent, eating, how are you gonna pay your bills, etc. So you get a job to pay the bills and put food on the table and a roof over your head and before you know it you look up and it's too late to change careers now cause you make a "little" bit of money and if you leave your current job you know the new job if you can get one (in the "dream" field of your desires) will not start you out making the same money you left......

So sitting in the movie I begin to cry - not cause the movie is so moving, but because I realize that I've let my old dreams "dry up" and I haven't any new ones that are worth anything to go chase. This has been my "heavy load" for a while now and I can't seem to shake it. Don't get me wrong my life as it is now is not bad, but it could always be better. I do remain hopeful that one day again (hopefully soon) I will again dream and begin to chase those dreams.

Thanks for checking in. PEACE!