A conversation

Today I was driving home and I was on the cell talking to my "jump off". Yeah I have a friend who has benefits. Whatever, don't be rolling eyes at me. I already know it is not an ideal situation but it is what it is and until someone comes along that make me want to commit fully, then this will be my guilty pleasure. Oh but back to what we were talking about.

We were talking about being in love (not with each other) and having your heart broken. Does anyone out there know what I'm talkin bout? Can I get an AMEN if you've been there. But anywho - this cat is one of they most nonemotional people I know. But here he was talking about how he had his heart broken in college. Damn, I thinking it must have been pretty funny cause Dude rarely shows his sensitive side. He was saying how he was getting his act together and this girl (a Delta - go soror) stepped all over his poor little heart. So I ask has he ever been in love since. Nope he replies and doesn't think that he will. That's a damn shame I'm thinking to myself. But then I rethink that thought cause I've had my heart broken and I say the same stupid thing, "Hell no I ain't never gonna let somebody get that close enough so that they can break my heart". I'm a liar - I hope that I do love someone so deeply again that they could break my heart. That is the best kind of love - when you love deep. I said deep not stupid, okay. So for those of you out there try love and love deep okay.

Oh so back to the conversation. We both realize that this is a topic we don't want to discuss with each other and change the subject. It gets changed to "one night stands." Yeah the other end of the spectrum. Now if you never had a one night stand - I recommend it to everyone. Now I'm not saying have them all the time, but I think everyone should at least experience it once. Let me be clear with what I'm saying to you - at least ONCE. This don't mean go out and pick up the first guy/girl you meet. It should be someone you are acquainted with and are attracted to - please. Yes I've had my one night stand and let's just say it was a very nice experience and I'm glad I did it. I felt empowered because if I wanted to, I could have kept seeing the brotha. But I never set out to have a relationship with him. I wanted to see what he was working with. Sista's yall know damn well there is some guy out there who you know you want to see what he is working with. Ooo the flash back is making me smile. But since I'm all grown up now, I'm looking for a meaningful relationship with a man who is intelligent, far from crazy, employed (legally), handsome, got his own place, his own ride, and his own money (not asking to borrow some from me) and can blow my back out and make my eyes cross.

So my "friend with benefits" says he can completely relate to what I'm saying from a dudes perspective. He cosigns on my opinion. Funny we can talk like that and not get our situation all twisted. However I'm sure he has had more than 1 one night stand. He begins to tell me a few stories. I'm amused - sounds like the average black man. All I can hope for the both of us, is that one day we both find that special somebody whether for one night or for eternity.

We end our conversation cause I'm home by this point. We say our good byes...:-)

Tag I'm It?

damn, Damn, DAMN! I gotta now tell you all 6 things about myself that I haven't told before. That's gonna be hard...(Royce's Daughter - wait till I see you, you are gonna get it)

1. I "borrow" supplies from work. It is so my home office will always stay stocked.

2. I have asked men I know to donate their sperm so I could get pregnant. I was going through this "I want a baby before I get too old" phase. Thank God they all said no. Whew, thank goodness it was a passing phase. I do hope to one day have a child but with the man I love and will hopefully forever be with. If not I have a niece and nephew and a great niece that I can dote on.

3. I 've carried on relationships with two men at the same time. That's big for me cause I'm not one for lying and frankly it's too damn hard to remember what lie was said to which person. It lasted a short while - I had some fun though.

4. One of my dreams in life is to sing in a band. I have wanted to do this forever. I don't know if it will ever come true - hey I can still dream.

5. I never smoked weed , for real, until I went to Amsterdam (about two years ago) . Oh my goodness. For all you weedheads out there - that is a place you want to go for a long weekend trip and just get blunted out of your mind. Of course it was never a hobby/pastime of mine but I went with some folks who do smoke and all the Dutch seem to be doing it - so you know the old saying "when in Rome, do as the Romans do." Well I was in Amsterdam and so I did and the Dutch do which is smoke weed. Of course I don't partake in that activity here. But I can sure say it was fun while it lasted.

6. I pass gas in my office at work. If the urge comes about I just let it loose. I work with "tomorrow's future" (kids), so if anyone walks in after I let one loose I just say a kid left my office and passed gas. Am I wrong for that?

Okay Slish, Trev, and Big Mack - tag you're it!

Those Damn Huaraches

Don't you at the end of a long day want to come home to you castle and just chill? Well I had this in mind for today. That is until I pull and park my car next to my building. There is a nice little house right next door to my building, unassuming in nature. But why as I walk to go in the side door do I hear this damn pinyata music (Mexican/Latin music) playing all loud. Mind you it is 4:45 in the afternoon and I don't want to hear all that noise. Unfortunately for me my window faces right out over the house. Damn I'm pissed. It's not even May yet and the Huaraches (Mexican/Latinos/Hispanics) are already cooking out. They will continue this behavior until the first frost of Fall.

Not let me give you some background here. About 3 years ago this small family moves into this house. It was three adults and two children. At first I could tell what language they were speaking but I knew it wasn't English. Lightweight thought they were speaking Arabic or something. sidebar: she thought everyone was a terrorist back then. After a month or so I figured out it was Spanish they were speaking. Okay cool I thought to myself. But, damn then it happened. As soon as they got use to their surrounds - Huaraches just started popping out the woodwork like frikin roaches. I swear. They would cook out every single day weather permitting (and even sometimes when it wasn't cook weather) and stay out until the wee hours of the night. I guess that is how they do.

Now I'm off in the summer and I likes to get my sleep on whenever possible so I don't need any disturbances before 9:30-10:00 am. But WHY, why did they let a baby Huarache outside early in the morning yelling at the top of her lungs. This went on for one entire summer. I was so tempted to call child protective services on their asses, but I was persuaded not to. Damn I should have went with my instinct to call, then maybe I would be writing this blog to day cause their Huarache asses would have been deported back to wherever the hell they came from.

About two months ago I'm chilling at home minding my own business when I hear fire engines coming down the block. I'm like "oh Shit" it sounds like they are stopping at my building." I look out my window and see them pull up in front of Huarache central. I'm like "awe hell no this can't be happening." Mind you my car is parked directly in front of their house. I'm think the place better not blow. Next thing I notice is firemen going in and out. This goes on for about 30 minutes or so. No flames, no smoke, nothing. Whew I'm glad, but I'm still puzzled as to why the fire trucks were called. When the family was given the okay to go back in, don't you know I counted at least 15 people. About 9 adults and 6 children. And some of the women were pregnant. See just like roaches.

So can you understand my grip when I cam home today. It's not even like the food they cook smells good. It must taste like lighter fluid cause that is all I ever smell.

A Night Out

It's Saturday evening and my girl Lightweight calls me to hang out. I really wasn't feeling up to it. I just had a long morning. The choir I'm in had an Easter Egg Hunt for the kiddies at the church. Also I had just come back from the Cheesecake Factory and I was full. They have really good Mojitos (better than the G-Bar). Lightweight called me early enough so that I could catch a nap. Funny how I need a nap before hanging out. We said that we would speak around 8 pm - good I could sleep for 2 hours (that is if no one calls me).

At 8, I call Lightweight, she is chillin writing out some bills. She said she was gonna jump into the shower. She suggested a few places for us to think about going. I was cool with the choices. But when I got off the phone with her I decided to call Slish and see if he had any suggestions. I told him where we were thinking of going either to The Den or to Harlem Grill to down to Maroons. He said he and his boy Spankinazz were on there way to The Den. I was like oh really. He suggested that we meet up at The Den around 10. That was cool with me.

So I get ready. I was looking really cute if I may say so myself. Ladies you know how it is, there are just moments when nobody can't say that we are not FLY. Well Saturday night was my night. Outfit just right, makeup just right, hair just right, smelling just right. Everything was ALL GOOD. Lightweight comes to get me at 9:45ish. I say ish because Lightweight is usually running late (not all the time but you know). We jump on 87 and make our way to The Den. We find Slish and his boy Spankinazz, whom I've never met before, (but saw at Slish's sister's birthday party) at the bar waiting for us.

Spankinazz is about 5 feet 8 and stocky build and silky chocolate complexion. Now if you know me, my "preference" is a chocolate brotha (but I don't discriminate - I like my light skinned brothas too). So yes Spankinazz got a second look from me. He also has locks that were up in a hat. I just wondered were they messy kind of locks or did he keep them groomed. But the thing that threw me off was he has on this orange shirt. My thought at first was were the hell does he think he is going with that orange shirt. But as I had a few sips of my strong ass drink the color didn't bother me so much. It was a rather nice orange color but most men wouldn't wear it.

The hostess sits us at a table in the back. We place our order. Lightweight and I get some "soul sushi" to share because neither on of us are really that hungry. I was still full from the Cheesecake Factory. The guys both get burgers and an appetizer. The conversions starts flowing immediately. Slish and I know each other from way back (going on 20 years - sorry Slish I had to put it out there). Me and Lightweight, well lets just say we have a deep bond - ooo oop! And After Lightweight and I gave Spankinazz the third degree, everything was everything. Oh I should mention that during the course of the evening it was disclosed that Spankinazz was engaged and getting married in I think June. I was happy for him - I know some of yall are like - WHAT. Yeah getting married (sob sob, another one down). At that point any questions I may have had for Spankinazz of the private nature went out the window. I am no home wrecker. So we finish our meal and we didn't want to call it a night, so we all head down to Starfoods in the Bowery. Slish is driving, I'm riding shot gun and Lightweight and Spankinazz are in the back. We are in this big ole Chrysler cause Slish's car is still out for repairs from his accident.

As we are driving I realize I have to pee. I was okay at first but as we were looking for the parking space that seem to be hiding from us, the urge became stronger and stronger. (TMI- I know). We finally find a space and I'm now walking with a quickness. When I tell you we couldn't get inside fast enough - we couldn't. I make a bee line for the bathroom. Thank goodness I knew were it was at. I had my birthday party at Starfoods two years ago (damn I had a good time). When I come out of the bathroom I only see Lightweight and Spankinazz. Slish is not with them. I look around and see Slish, or should I say Slasher dancing with this Saltine. I really should say grinding with this busted Saltine. She was short with dark, oily looking hair. She had on this black halter top that wasn't flattering at all. I guess she wore it to show off her tattoo on her back. She looked drunk. Lightweight told me that as soon as I made my dash for the bathroom, Saltina grabbed Slish and has been all up on him. Now, she must have asked was he with Lightweight cause all I know we are now his "cousins". Go figure. I know Slish has this fantasy of getting with a Saltine, but damn why did it have to happen while we were hanging out. I don't want to see all that. There were plenty of sistas in the place and he had to go get hooked up with a Saltina. Granted she came after him, but he could have declined her advances. Sell out!

Well the night goes on and Slish who has now turned into the Slasher (scary to actually see the transformation), has this Saltina hanging all over him. They disappear for awhile towards the bathrooms. When he reemerges he is looking all funny. Umm hmm, I knew something went down in the bathroom - Slasher and his triflin ass. He is all giggly - like a little girl, trying to play it off. I don't know why, we ain't stupid. The Saltina gives him a break for a few minutes, but not for long. Here she comes and off they go...

Anyway the music was bumpin Old school - right up my alley. So I grab Spankinazz and we start dancing. The boy has rhythm. We are enjoying ourselves dancing and laughing at folks. Lightweight is chilling on a couch. She is not big on dancing, but she was chillin. Now as I'm dancing with Spankinazz I decided to turn around and shake my "azz" his way . I wanted to see what he was gonna do. Yup, he was all up on it. I knew it - he could resist. I guess he wasn't thinking about his fiance at that point. But for real, I was good. I kept it all friendly, not seductive. I kept the "Inner Ho" under raps.

After awhile the Slasher comes back over and sits down and transforms back into Slish. His senses return and he starts talking about needing to get up outta of the place before the Saltina makes "danger" emerge. Whoa, yeah it's time to go. I don't want to have that happen. So we start heading for the door, no Saltina in sight. Good. As soon as we get outside this B*^$@ is grabbing Slish. I was like "come on". Don't you know this Nucca had the nerve to say "you want my keys, I'll be right there." I was like Hell to the No, in my head. As I was walking across the street, Lightweight tells me to turn around. When I do I see Slish and the Saltina kiss. I couldn't believe it. I thought I was going to throw up right then and there. I knew he had lost he cotton picking mind now. Yeah I read the stories on his blog about going out hunting for Saltinas but this didn't make no sense. Here was me, Lightweight, and Spankinazz all looking as if we were watching a horror movie. All I kept thinking to myself was that the B*^$@ better not start yelling rape or something stupid. Cause I don't do jail! We finally get to the car after a few moments of me pretending like I was hurling. We start driving and snapping on Slish. I really think he thought he was the "man". ILK - not. I was giving him the screw face the entire time. He kept saying "Phoenix, stop looking at me like that." Me, "like what?" Slish, "like that...."

Lightweight and Spankinazz were in the back dying laughing. It was funny. That Saltina must have thought Slish was some Taye Diggs look alike or something the way she latched on to him. And her homegirl was no better trying to dance with any big black dude in the place. I think they must have been on a Mandingo hunt.

Well we make it back to our car safely. I get a big ole tight hug from Spankinazz. It was very nice. Lightweight says goodbye. As we were about to leave Slish is checking his cellphone. Don't you know that crazy Saltina leaves him a message, "you better call me, so we can finish what we started. muah (the kiss sound)!" Nasty just nasty, tsk tsk.

As Lightweight and I are driving home we see Slish and Spankinazz pass us. I say to Lightweight, "Slish is probally rushing to drop off Spankinazz so he can meet up with Saltina." We start dying laughing.

As I'm entering my building, my cellphone rings. It's Slish begging me not to rip him apart when I write my blog. Well Slish How did I do?

She's My Favorite Girl

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world...
(Talking 'bout mama)Oh, she's one of a kind
(Talking 'bout mama)You got yours, and I got mine
(Talking 'bout mama)Ah, Hey mamaHey mamaMy heart belongs to you
Oh, yeah
(1973 by the Intruders)

I love my mom but she can really work a nerve. This year for lent my mom decides she is going to try to give up/cut back/stop smoking.
Sidebar: she has been smoking since she was 14.
To help her with this process, she challenges me to loose this 10 pounds I've been trying to get off forever. I'm like cool, okay let's do it. Mind you I would have agreed to loose 50 pounds in 40 days if it meant she would quit smoking. I was a bit surprised by her request but happy that finally she has decided to try to stop. I've been trying since I can remember to get her to quit, but she kept puffing away until now.

Well as you know we are now several days away from Easter and the deadline for both of us. Now I know for sure my mom hasn't completely stopped smoking. She has cut back, she is down to about 2 cigarettes a day. I guess that's good. She claims it is huge for her. Okay I 'll give her that. I'm down a good solid 6 pounds. That's pretty good - all the "experts" say you should lose more than 1-2 pounds a week for healthy weight loss. So really I'm right on target and feeling pretty happy with myself. I thought about using some of those weight loss supplement but decided against it. I put the weight on the old fashion way - I'm gonna lose it the old fashion way. LOL.

But back to my moms. Today we are talking on the phone as we always do (about nothing important). She brings me up to speed on my sorry ass family. Yeah Royce's Daughter, I got some too.
When she says to me, "so how's your diet coming along?"

Me, "Good, I lost 6 pounds."
I'm all happy about myself, smiling, dancing around my kitchen and issh.

Mom, "That's it? What about the other four?"
DAMN, I'm thinking to myself. Can a sista, your child, get a little respect?

Me, "Well don't you think that me loosing 6 is better than nothing?"

Mom, "Easter is this Sunday, how are you going to lose the other four."

Me, " Well thanks for the words of encouragement. You sure didn't even focus on the positive that I lost 6. All you focused on was me needing to lose four more. So you still smoking aren't you?"

Mom, "Yup, but it's not Sunday."
Damn her and smart mouth. I can't stand her sometimes.

Me, "Oh okay, umm hmm."

Now I'm pissed. She doesn't even see that she was dead wrong in her approach to be encouraging. For real my mom is the worst saboteur when it came to doing this. She would call me and say things like, "oh I made spaghetti (or some other food that I like), I packed some up for you to come and get on your way home from work." Now I told her do not offer me any goodies cause I'm being good with what I'm eating. She'd ignore me. The worst was one Sunday I went over her house after church (she lives right next door to our church - a sin), she has this big ole casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. My weakness (even thought mine tastes better than hers, hers is still pretty darn good!).
I say to her, "now you know I can't have none of that."

Mom, "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot."

Now she knows damn well she didn't forget.

Me, "Yeah I've been pretty good this week. I don't want to mess it up with eating mac and cheese."

Mom, "well you can have a little taste can't you?"

What kind of hell question is that? No I can't have just a little taste damn it. I'm on this diet to try and lose some weight and help you quit smoking and this is what I get.

Me, "no I can't have a little taste. What is a tablespoonful gonna do except make me want some more."

She is completely ignoring me by this point. She is in the kitchen getting out her tupperware and spooning mac and cheese in a bowl. I can't believe my frikin eyes. I don't know why I'm surprised, she has done this before, when I was trying to lose the same 10 pounds after a breakup I had (but that is another story for another day). She tried to make me feel better by feeding me all my favorite foods.
sidebar: I took home the mac and cheese and ate as my dinner. I tried to be strong but it was callin me, callin me "Phoenix, Phoenix". LOL

Oh but back to today. She tried to clean up her statement by saying, "oh you know what I meant. Your 6 will become 10 and you will feel better when you start to see results." Now did she even ask me have I seen results - no. But I have. She is a mess. Sometimes I wonder about her. She can be so well intending but say some harsh issh. I think it's only to me. My sister never tells me that my mom says stuff to her like she says to me. Damn that is f-up. Thank God I'm not thin skinned. I would be messed up in the head by my own momma. I ended the conversations by telling her I love her but I had to go. She was wreaking my mood.

Lesson of this story: don't take bets with your mom, even if it is to help her out.

Inner Ho

Because I'm feeling a little nasty today, I thought I'd drop one of my poems on you.

Inner Ho

Not too long ago I decided to embrace my inner Ho.
All those inhibitions and hang ups I had to let go.

I’d been a good girl for way too long.
And it’s never paid off, things were still wrong.

I kept hearing her voice say come to the Dark side.
In my dreams I saw her standing there with the gate open wide.

It was no easy decision; inner conflict was to be had.
I was brought up to be a good girl and never to be bad.

I wrestled with the idea for quite some time.
Even consulted with some friends, but the final decision was mine.

I was scared at first to embrace her, my inner Ho.
She agreed with me when I said I wanted to proceed slow.

I did just that, embraced her dabbling here and there.
And I realized that we were such a good pair.

And even thought the good girl still comes and goes.
She takes good care of me, my inner Ho.

It's Coming

Can't you see a new love a coming,
Just over the horizon anew?
It will be upon you before you know it,
Crisp and fresh like the morning dew.

You smile at the thought of love again,
So humble and pure as it should be.
Love is coming for you,
Yes coming for you ,
Just you wait and see.

Why

Hey I just want to get something off my chest. I come home from a hard days work (not really that hard) and turn on my TV to watch a little something. I decide to watch a TiVO of the Ellen show. She's funny and for the most part she has good guests. I don't know what day of this week or last I was watching, but she was in Orlando for the show. Right after she does her little monologue at the beginning she always goes around the audience dancing. WHY can't Saltines clap on beat????? I got so annoyed looking at them jack up the beat to Kanye West' s song Testify. They were all off beat. If there are any Saltines reading this please help me understand. What is it? Saltines have a mutation on the rhythm gene or something. They were all off. When they should have been clapping to the eighth beat they were clapping to a sixteenth beat - all fast. It just don't make no damn sense. Some of them looked as if they were applauding to a song. How about just don't clap especially to hiphop and R&B.

Whew, I feel a little better, but I erased the whole episode because of that. It was just WRONG!!!!

IT'S A CONSPIRACY

I can't believe it. They hade me seeing RED! How can Mandisa be voted off? Yes, I watch American Idol, well that was until tonight. I can't get over the fact that one of the best singers got voted off. Yes she made a poor song selection this past week, but damn. It was the first time. Bucky, Kelly, and Ace all have been making bad song choices and singing poorly but they are still there. Yo, the Saltines just don't want another black girl to win. I'm pissed, but I guess you can tell. I thought that not only black folks would vote for Mandisa but all the fat people would as well. I guess she didn't appeal to them she was just a painful reminder that they are fat. All I do know is American Idol has lost a viewer.

So what else comes on TV on Tuesday at 8 pm?

The Three Stooges

Saturday night continued after we left the restaurant. Lightweight and I drop off Intrigue#5 and head home. As I pull into Lightweight's complex, we see the Three Stooges. Mo and I go way, way, way back. Larry and I met through Mo. And Curly I know from hanging with Mo and Larry. We pull up next to them. "Hey, what's the deal?" I yell at them. They replied, "we were just talking about you." I have that effect on people. Unforgettable - lol. We all begin to hug and talk, catching up on each other. This quickly turns into a joke-fest cause Mo and Larry have no sense at all. They are hilarious. We all end up going back to my apartment and have some drinks and friendly conversion. Mind you they all have a signifiacant others (wife/girlfriend), but not one of them called to say they were going to be out longer. I'm cool with Mo's wife so I know she would have been mad but not that mad. As for Larry and Curly - who the hell knows what they told their significant other later on. The convo at my house really ended up being was one joke,one snap, one laugh after another. They are so silly. Mo was talking about how funny looking he was as a preteen. He got up and began to demonstrate how he looked, walked and sounded. I nearly peed in my pants. Of course they snapped on Curly and I had to get my snap on as well. Curly is the strong, (big), quiet type - an easy target. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. I went to bed after they left still laughing.

Laughter is good for your soul they say, so my soul sure got a work out Saturday night. I'm glad I'm friends with the Three Stoogers. I have to "plan" a spontaneous gathering real soon to LMAO some more.

What's the Purpose of Reservations?

Okay it's Saturday late afternoon and my girl Lightweight calls me up. She just got back in town and wants to go out to eat. I had already made plans to go to this get together of a coworkers at 7:30 and then meet up with Intrigue#5 to go and eat. I really didn't want to go to my coworker's in the first place, but you know how it is sometimes you have to do a little politicing to keep the workplace livable. So I tell Lightweight that we can meet up with Intrigue#5 after I come from my coworkers. She said that she would find us a place to go. I was like cool - one less thing I had to think about.

So as I'm sitting in the corner of my bed trying to figure out what I'm wearing(cause I was going to my coworkers house first and then out to possibly meet mybabydaddy) the phone rings. It was Lightweight, she had found a place and wanted to know what time to make the reservations for. I told her 9 pm. She calls the place while I'm on the other phone listening. "Hello, MoBay." Lightweight, "yes I would like to make reservations for three at 9 pm." Mobay, "okay what's the name?" Lightweight, "it's Lightweight.". MoBay, "okay you are all set. Bye." Cool so we chat for a few more minutes and hang up. I call Intrigue#5 back and tell her to be ready for 8:30. Okay cool.

So I'm still trying to figure out what the heck to put on. I finally think I find something and proceed to put a little makeup on. My cell phone rings - okay who can this be. It's a homeboy I just recently reconnected with from junior high school. Anyway we are shooting the breeze and laughing. Basically yall know what happen - it's 8:00 and I'm nowhere near ready to leave my apartment. "Oh well sorry coworkers you won't be seeing me." I finish my conversation with ole boy, whom I'll call Chi-man. I finish getting dressed. Mind you I change my shirt at least 8 times, so I have to now clear my bed. I call Lightweight and tell her I'm on my way.

I pick up Lightweight and have her call Intrigue#5 when she gets in the car. So we are finally off to MoBay's. The traffic is flowing - thank goodness cause I'm hungry as hell. But of course there are the drivers on the road that can't drive. I just don't understand the problem - I have my lane and you have yours - STAY IN IT!

We find the restaurant - no problem. Find a close parking space - no problem. Get up to the hostess desk - problem. They claim they don't have our reservation. Oh no how could this be. I heard Lightweight give the guy her name. She even spelled it for him. How can they loose someone's reservations? This was new to me. Thank goodness Lightweight was talking to the hostess cause I may have been so calm. The wait was 30 - 45 minutes. We decided to stay because by the time we would have gotten somewhere else and found parking it would have been a half hour. I wait inside as my two compadres wait outside. There was another group of women after us. Now all except one seems awhight. But WHY is there one chick dressed all wrong - with white capris on with a tank top and a shiny Baby Phat jacket and wedge sandals on. Now it was nice out Saturday night but not that nice. I mean she was really pushing the seasons. She knew it too cause my girls came in telling me how she was outside talking all loud about this was how they dress in the Caribbean. When they told me that - my thought was (which I think I said out loud) - well go back to the damn Caribbean especially with that outfit. I just wanted to sit down and get a drink. It had been a long week and I need a drink.

We get seated finally and our waiter comes by and says he'll be right back. Right back turned into 10 minutes. We had to ask another waiter to please ask our waiter to come back. We get our drink orders in and he is ready to take our orders for our meals. Lightweight pick the Jerk Chicken with white meat- great choice or so we think. No white meat for the Jerk Chicken. Oh okay no problem - dark meat then. I proceed to order the Brown Stew Chicken - oh by the way no white meat for that either. What? How can there not be any white meat chicken? Intrigue#5 order the Fried Chicken - of course - no white meat. Okay I'm getting pissed off. I ask the waiter, who by the way has a thick African accent (I'll get back to that in a second) how can this be that there isn't a piece of white meat for any menu item. He says to us, "you have to get here early with the white people." Now ain't that some issh! The Saltines done ate up all the white meat. Racism alive and well even with chicken. Damn. Okay we settle our order dispute and wait for the waiter to bring our drinks over. Lightweight asks him so what's your name? He tells us Fortune - as in fortune cookie. I was thinking to myself, "okay what kind of issh is going here and what is that his stripper name? He can't be serious." Lightweight then asks where in Africa are you from? He tella us Namibia. We grill him some more as to what is his real name and why does he call himself Fortune. He was nice to elaborate (shoot he better had, his tip depended on it) for us. His birth name is Muningaodu which means loosely translated - Forutne. Aww how nice. He was flirting with Lightweight the whole time. She had me and Intrigue#5 laughing when I told her he was an African Prince like in Coming to America. "Hell to the no he ain't. " she said.

Just when we thought the night was getting better there was a band that had been playing all along. The lead singer/guitarist who was old enough o be my granddaddy started talking instead of singing (which he did poorly). He was saying that people could leave a tip if they liked for the band. Then before anyone could do anything this fool leaves the area where the band was and started walking around the restaurant with a basket asking for money. I couldn't believe my eyes. What the hell - "Has he lost his mind!" When he got finished with the table next to us he just looked our way and mumbled something under his breathe (which probably stunk). He know better then to come to our table cause he was getting a cent. All I was gonna give him was advice to give up trying to sing. This man messed up every song he sang. He was making up words, humming through parts, awful just plain awful.


The only redeeming quality about the restaurant was that our waiter ended up being nice and the food was very good. I would maybe go back; earlier the next time to better my chances of getting white meat for my chicken choice. But I had a good time hanging with my girls.